Saturday, November 17, 2012


read this part first 

"Yes?", I shakily replied.
"How are you?", she said with a smile in her voice.
"Ummm, I'm okay...", I said. Somewhat annoyed she hadn't already gotten to the point.
"This is so-and-so from Dr. Slater's office. I'm calling with the results from your blood test this afternoon".
"Yeah, okay...and?"
"Well, you're pregnant!", she said ecstatically.
"Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh", I said. 
I really, genuinely, didn't even know what to say. I was completely overwhelmed with about a million emotions. Everything we had experienced the last three years was gone. All the pain and heartache. The countless negative pregnancy tests. The jealousy. The anger. The tear soaked pillows. The continual prayers for one special blessing and not understanding why He was making us wait so long. It was all overcome with a happiness I'd never experienced. Truly, I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or fall on my knees and thank my Heavenly Father for putting me through the hardest trial of my entire life, because it was all leading to this tiny moment. 

She continued on, telling me the blood count numbers, what they meant, etc. But to be honest, the rest of the conversation was a blur. I just wanted to call Chad and let him know he was going to be a father

Much like the previous conversation, the rest of the day was a whirlwind of emotions. We let family know, surprised Chad's parents, and thought about just how blessed we were. 

Two weeks later, we had our first ultrasound. We were going to get to see our baby! OUR baby! When the nurse came in to get started, I was literally shaking with excitement. Yet, I was so nervous at the same time. Is the baby still in there? Is it healthy? What will it look like? My mind was racing. But all that craziness in my head was washed away when we saw this:

Yep, two babies. Two. TWO! Not only were we pregnant, but we were pregnant with twins. Oh my. Chad was so cute during the ultrasound. He had the biggest smile on his face. He wouldn't look away from the screen. And for the first time since I've known him, his eyes welled up with tears. I was so excited, I didn't know how to express it. But Chad was able to express enough happiness for the both of us. I'd never felt a feeling like that. Pure joy.  
So, here we are. Halfway through the pregnancy of our first children. I've never felt better. I've never been happier. Sure, I've had some scary moments. Have I been sick? Yes. Am I uncomfortable? Of course. Is it worth it? My goodness, yes. I feel ungrateful when I complain. Heavenly Father has given Chad and I the greatest gifts we could've ever asked for. Not only is He blessing us, but He's putting His trust in us to raise two of His children here on this earth. I would never want Him to feel anything from me other than pure gratitude.

Below, you will find updates via instagram from the last 20 weeks or so. 
You're welcome:

 13 weeks

 14 weeks 

 15 weeks

 17 weeks


 18 weeks

 Big ol' belly

19 weeks
I have more ultrasound pics, but I don't feel like scanning them right now. Maybe next post?

How far along:
20 weeks tomorrow!
How big is baby:
About 7 inches each
Total weight gain:
8 pounds
Not bad - just switching sides a lot. My hips hurt if I lie on one side for too long.
Best moment of the week:
Feeling these babies kick up a storm. They sure are active little things!
Food cravings:
Frozen yogurt and fresh strawberries
Food aversions:
Costa Vida...ick.
Heartburn, lower back pain.
We know...but that won't be announced till after Thanksgiving :)
They are having far too much fun in there. I feel them kick a lot, but I'm also noticing when they're changing positions. They also really like Taylor Swift. No joke, every time I turn her new album on, they go nuts in there. It's pretty adorable.
What I'm looking forward to:
Wednesday - I get to see my family and FINALLY announce what the twinlets are!
What I miss:
Nothing - I'm loving it all.
Next appointment:
December 10th
March can't come fast enough!


Welp, turns out I'm the worlds worst blogger. A LOT has been going on in the last few months, and to be completely honest, I've felt so overwhelmed I was a little nervous to even try to tackle this post, so I've decided to break it up. Too much info to cover in one post!

First off, IVF is amazing. I have no other words to describe how blessed we were. I thank God everyday for giving us this opportunity. 

So, should I pick up where I left off? Okay, I can do that.

The post below shows a calendar of how the best case scenario for this round of IVF. They used a lot of words like "give or take" or "possible transfer". Basically, don't go exactly off this calendar because your body would have to react perfectly to everything. We're just giving you an outline so you have an idea of what to expect. Well, my body reacted perfectly. We retrieved the eggs on Sunday, July 15th. Easy peasy. I fell asleep and they did all the work. That day I was a little sore, but back to work the next day. Blessings. They were able to get 16 eggs which was fantastic! Chad and I were hoping for 10 so we were thrilled. They told us they'd call the next day to let us know how many made it to the next stage - most likely about half. When they called me on Monday, they told me 15 of the 16 had made it! WOOHOO! I couldn't believe it. The lab tech who called me said they'd watch the eggs for five days and go from there. 

When we went in five days later for the transfer, two eggs had made it to the full-on implantation stage. Dr. Slater said it was up to us how many we chose to implant, but they'd continue to watch the other eggs so we'd know for sure how many we could freeze (for the record, two more made it to implantation stage - so we now have two little icicle babies). She told me I was a "candidate" for implanting just one egg, but we wanted to be sure we'd get pregnant so we decided to implant both fertilized eggs - just to be safe. The transfer was simple, about 10 minutes, and we were done. I had to lay low for the next two days (which was fine because the transfer was on a Friday, so I didn't have to take off any work - blessings, again), and I'd go back a week later for a blood draw. 

The morning of my first blood draw, I took a pregnancy test, even though they told me not to (it's possible to get a false positive from the HCG shot I had to inject myself with before the retrieval, or a false negative if it's taken too early). When I took the test, I was sure it would be negative. When I looked down two minutes later, I saw a big fat positive - however I showed no emotion. I refused to get excited. I put the test in the top drawer of my bathroom counter and told myself not to think about it again. When I went in later that afternoon for my first blood draw, they told me they wouldn't be calling with the results, because they needed two blood samples on different days to be sure. That was frustrating! I just wanted to know! But I totally understood why. As I was checking out, I told the nurse I had taken a pregnancy test earlier that morning. 
Her immediate response was, 
"Oh honey, don't get too disappointed. It's still pretty early, and things could totally change. This is why we don't want people to take pregnancy tests! They see a negative and immediately jump to conclusions." 
"Well, it was positive..", I replied.
"POSITIVE? Either you have a strong pregnancy test, or you're having twins...", she said.
My response? "It was just the Target brand...?"
She laughed and told me, excitedly, to just hold my horses and wait until the next blood draw. 

At this point, I was getting somewhat excited - I mean, if a nurse was surprised by my positive pregnancy test, how could I not be?  Two days later (the morning of my second blood draw) I decided to take one more, just for funsies. It was positive again. I tried not to get excited, but at this point, I was feeling pretty good. I felt optimistic we were pregnant, but again, didn't want to give myself false hope. I kept telling myself I'd know for sure in just a few hours. 

I went in for my blood draw, went back to work and held my breath. I had my phone attached to my hip - I was NOT missing this call! Chad kept calling me to see if I knew (which was very frustrating because I'd feel my phone vibrate and immediately start freaking out, only to find out it's just Chad). For some reason, he seemed to think I would forget to call him after I heard the news. What a weirdo.  

About three hours after the blood draw, I got the call that would change our lives forever.

Friday, June 29, 2012

In Vitro

So I officially started the IVF process one month ago, and a few people have asked how the whole process works. I decided I'd document my progress and a basic overview of what all takes place.When I began, I started out just taking birth control pills (I know, seems a little backwards, huh? It's to manipulate when the retrieval takes place and to get everything regular) and a prenatal vitamin, which I was already taking. No biggie. 

 This is all my medication. A bit overwhelming, no? 

On June 20th I began taking Lupron. Lupron basically stops ovulation. 
Quick ramble: This whole IVF process is super scientific. And manipulating. And freaking awesome. Seriously, these doctors are absolute geniuses. I'm so blessed to be able to be working with such an amazing team. 
Okay, where was I? Yes, Lupron. Every morning I inject 10 units of Lupron into my tummy. I'm also continuing to take the prenatal vitamin, DHA, a baby asprin (it improves blood flow to the ovaries, improving follicle development, and improves blood flow to the uterus, improving the quality of the uterine lining), and a Doxycycline, an antibiotic (just preventative - Chad has to take the same antibiotic as well), twice a day. Phew! I really thought taking all this medication would cause my body to freak out, but it really hasn't been that bad. Only a few times have I felt abnormally irritable, a few hot flashes (Lupron tricks your body into thinking it's going through!), and one bruise in my tummy after an injection. 

I know I look fat, but Lupron makes you bloat...bad. I already look pregnant right now, no joke.

I was given a calendar showing what I will be taking, how many times a day, for how long. It's been an absolute lifesaver! Next week, beginning July 4th, I will be taking 2 additional medications (Bravelle and Menopur - they stimulate egg follicles to grow within the ovaries) which will be mixed and injected into my tummy in conjunction with Lupron. I am, however, off birth control now and will be getting an ultrasound on July 3rd to make sure the Lupron is doing everything right and to learn how to mix the Bravelle and Menopur. 

I just scanned and uploaded the calendars - don't mind my ugly handwriting.
The following week I will go in everyday for ultrasounds to determine when to do the egg retrieval. Provided everything goes as planned, our tentative egg retrieval date is Sunday, July 15th. It's a quick procedure and painless for me, I'll be put under! They're going to take out as many eggs as they can. The last few ultrasounds I've had, they found lots of follicles (immature eggs) so hopefully it stays that way! Once my eggs are out, they'll do their thing with Chad's sperm (he's going to hate I put that on here. I can talk about my ovaries, eggs, follicles and uterus like it's no big deal but the minute I talk about Chad's sperm he gets all sorts of embarrassed. Whatevs). Once they've injected his sperm with my eggs, the specialists will monitor them everyday for five days, then do the transfer. Hopefully we'll get a good amount of fertilization, but they're only going to transfer two fertilized eggs, which I'm good with. The 25% chance of twins is enough for me. I can't even begin think about triplets! They'll then freeze the other fertilized eggs for potential siblings (it's $500/yr to keep them frozen - not bad). 

After all that, we wait. I know the exact day I will find out if I'm pregnant or not, but I've decided to keep that one a secret. It's the one secret we have in this whole process and we want to be able to share it in our own time. I really don't want people calling me up and bugging me about it if for some reason it doesn't take. However, I feel very optimistic and know this is the right thing for us to be doing right now. We've had so much help from family members, both emotionally and financially, and are eternally grateful for their contributions. I am truly in awe at how blessed we are.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Our love story: The final chapter

We didn't waste any time after that.

First, we went ring shopping. I couldn't find anything I loved so I combined a few rings I liked and Chad had it designed. A few days later he went to my dads work to ask for my hand (something he thought would be cake...HA. My dad took him into the conference room and they talked for over an hour- of course, he gave the OK). That night, he asked me if I wanted to go get a frosty. I obliged, obviously. I could never say no to a frosty. As we were driving, I noticed he wasn't taking me home. I asked him where we were going and he said,

"I want to take you to that lookout real quick. The one we went to on our first date. It was still kind of light out then so you couldn't see the whole city the way I wanted you to".

Umm, okay. This is when it was starting to hit me. Maybe tonight he's going to propose. No, it's only been two days since he brought the ring idea to the jeweler. There's no way it's ready by now.

We hiked the small mountain to the lookout and, once again, it was gorgeous. Who knew Boise was such a beautiful city? As we stood there, holding hands, a carbon copy to the few months back when we had our first date, I started to get excited. I was holding the the hand of the man I was going to be with forever! I looked up at him, looking for a quick kiss and noticed he was nervous. Yep, it was coming.

"Kate, as you probably know, I didn't bring you up here just to eat our frosty's".
"Yeah, I'm getting that", I replied.

The rest is a blur (I was too excited to absorb the words he was saying!), but I know he told me he loved me, wanted to be with me forever, got down on one knee and opened up a box containing the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen.
The next few months were a whirlwind. The combination of stress and my body adjusting to birth control made me a complete lunatic. I'm surprised he still wanted to marry me, seriously. But it all worked out perfectly. I found my dress in about twenty minutes (I only had to try on two before I found the one). My mom's friend (and a good friend of mine as well) helped plan my wedding down to every last detail. She was a lifesaver. I knew I could rely on her and my mom to plan the wedding and not have to worry about anything. My only requests were to have gerbera daisies, our wedding colors, and the design of the invitations. They handled the rest!

August 28, 2008 was hands down the best day of my life. We were married in the Boise, Idaho Temple at 11:00am. I was nervous, but so anxious at the same time. I kept thinking, okay, let's get this show on the road before he changes his mind! The ceremony was beautiful. Every last second of it. Afterwards we took a billion pictures outside the temple (from the lovely Jammie Elkins) and had a luncheon at Carino's (our fav) surrounded by loved ones.

That night was our reception and I still can't believe the amazing turnout we had. I was nervous no one would come because we were married on a Thursday, but we felt so much love and support from so many people (most of which I didn't even know). The weather was perfect- not too hot, not too cold. Everything ran smoothly (from my perspective, at least! I'm sure it was complete chaos in the kitchen), and I couldn't have been happier. I felt so blessed as I stood there in line, aimlessly shaking hands and hugging people I didn't know. I was standing next to my husband. He was mine, forever. How did I get so lucky? How did I trick this handsome man into marrying me? I still don't know.

Three and a half years later, here we are. We've gone through a lot together. We've been to Las Vegas, San Francisco, Disneyland, took a cruise to the Mexican Riviera, taken countless trips to Utah, spent way too much money going out to eat, bought a house, graduated college (Chad), gotten "big people" jobs, watched countless TV series' on Netflix and, most importantly, endured the trial of infertility. We've had a lot of ups and downs, but there's no one I would rather have by my side. Love you, Chad.

The end.

Thursday, February 9, 2012


[circa 2010]

so i found this on fat mum slim a while ago and thought, "wow, how fun would that be? i'm gonna DO IT". So I did a few, then lost interest. i mean, i love instagram, don't get me wrong, but i don't take pictures of everything i do/see/eat, etc. but alas, i've decided to pick it back up. and i think you should too. who cares if we're a week and a half into the month? i don't! it's fun to document things you wouldn't otherwise even think of documenting. so GO FOR IT, k?

also, if you hate courtney on the bachelor as much as i do (which, let's face it, how can you not?) i've included this for your viewing pleasure.
you're welcome.

p.s the 5th and final chapter of our love story to come soon! i know all twelve of you are just dying to find out the end ;)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


Guess what, guys? I did a guest post on someone's blog! She's doing Fourteen Days of Love leading up to Valentine's day and asked me to be a part of it. How awesome is that? She's super duper rad. You should check it out!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

awkward & awesome?


- singing at the top of my lungs to t-swift only to look over at the guy in the car next to me staring. i'm pretty sure it looked like i was having a serious freak out.but don't worry, i kept singing.
- IMing to the receptionist at work about how bad the employees look in the company directory when they have ponytails. on the day she was getting her picture taken. while her hair was in a ponytail...whoops.
- trying to hurry back to my office while i'm wearing heels and a pencil skirt. my boss looks at me and says, "i would love to see you try to jog in that outfit". long strides = impossible.

- tomorrow is friday. can i be done now?
- my post below. [p.s. did i really post twice in a day? what the what?]
- face timing my parents. i kind of want to make it a nightly ritual. face time is bomb.
- craving brownie cookies from albertsons but not wanting to leave the office to get them, only to have the receptionist tell me she's running to said albertsons, do i want anything? why yes, yes i do.
- eating 4 brownie cookies from albertsons. would you like me to say albertsons again? albertsons.
- i'm getting my hair cut/colored today. i haven't had my hair dyed since my wedding so...almost four years ago. wowza. i'm kind of terrified but so excited at the same time.

i'm kinda liking this whole awkward & awesome thursdays thing. maybe i'll try to do it every thursday!...yeah probably not.

p.s. the bright bit is doing a valentine's giveaway! check it out. livi rules.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Our Home!

I've had a few requests for some pictures of our new home. I tried to get as many angles as possible (and I was using a crappy cell phone camera because ours has gone missing) so bear with me :)

Just click on the pictures to make them bigger, I know I should have re-sized them when I edited them, but I didn't and now I have no desire to go back.

And here...we...go

Don't make fun of our ghetto tv stand! We're getting an entertainment center ASAP.

The end!

I didn't get a few pictures, including the patio (door) and backyard, but you get the jist. The backyard is still just dirt anyway, so when we get it looking all cute, I'll post some pictures. And we clearly have A LOT of work to do, including those beloved plant shelves! They are going to be so fun to decorate, yet so time consuming. But I'm excited to get them looking cute.
Also, our bedroom is disgraceful. We're going to get a headboard, nightstands and a media center for our tv (I didn't even bother taking a picture of what we have set up now). But it works for now! We love our new California King bed. When I look at the queen bed we used to have it looks so tiny! We're so blessed. So so so blessed.

So there you have it. Hope you love it as much as we do!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Our love story: part 4

After that kiss, I knew I was in trouble. No more working over the summer in Cedar City. I was going to be spending my time with Chad Boise, Idaho. It didn't matter than I knew virtually no one and had no job lined up. Boise was where I was supposed to be. The fact that my parents moved from New York to Idaho (literally just down the street from Chad's family) was meant to be. Chad and I were supposed to meet, that I knew.

He took me home and I immediately missed him. I didn't want to go back to school. But the next day, bright & early, I started my six hour trek back to Cedar. When I finally arrived, I told my roommate all about Chad. She figured he was just a rebound from my previous boyfriend, but something was different about him. I couldn't convince anyone Chad and I were going to be together. They all knew me well, settling down was definitely not in my plans. But I couldn't help it! He was the one!

We spent our days talking on the MSN messenger (back when it was cool) and the phone. We asked each other questions ranging from "if you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?" to "what's a secret no one else knows about you?". Somewhere in the month and a half we were away from each other, he went on a cruise and bought me a souvenir. Cutie. I tricked him on April Fools by texting him that I wasn't interested in him and didn't think we should talk anymore. [He immediately called me to try to convince me otherwise- lucky for him, I was definitely kidding]. He came to Utah for General Conference and we met up in Provo. We met at a park and made out in the car for a good while. Mom, you probably didn't know that. Whoops!

May rolled around and he called me at 5:00am on my birthday (the 1st) to wish me happy birthday. I was so angry he interrupted my sleep, yet I couldn't stop smiling. He had remembered my birthday (even if he thought I was turning 20 but was really only turning 19...turns out my lie about my age actually did matter!).
May 2nd, school was over and I headed back to Idaho. The next month we spent every day together. A few days after I got home, he said he liked me enough to take me on a real live date- you know, the kind where I dress up a bit and he spends money on me. We went to PF Changs and he took me to this place in the foothills that looks over all of Boise. We stood there in the dark, holding hands, staring at the beautiful city. So simple, yet so romantic.

May 16th we went to a dollar movie and on the drive home he said,

"Just so you know, you're my girlfriend now".
"Oh, I am? I don't have a say in the matter?", I said rather taken aback.
"Nope, I already decided"
"Well, okay then...". I didn't even try to put up a fight!

May 20th we were sitting on my couch when I asked him,

"So how long have you known you wanted to marry me?"
(Kinda joking around, kinda not)
He sat there for a second, a bit stunned. Apparently he had prayed about it the night before and received confirmation I was the one he needed to be with forever.
When he explained all this to me, I was literally shaking. I knew I was going to marry him the night I met him. But I figured I'd have to wait around a while for him. When he said that, it all became real.
We talked about it a bit but I was going out of town the next day so our conversation was cut short. We talked about it briefly while I was gone but it was killing me. I wanted to be with him figuring it all out. I like planning. I don't like the unknown, and our "LET'S GET MARRIED" conversation was just dangling there. When I got home, we discussed what would be best for us and it was decided:

On August 28, 2008, our lives were going to change forever.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Our love story: part 3

I was so not ready to get married. I was still a teenager! Could I be wrong, though? I mean, I barely knew this guy. He was the exact opposite of every guy I'd ever dated. He tried so hard to be Mr. Suave but was so...not. He was so dorky it was adorable.

I went up to my room and sat on my bed, so giddy with excitement, yet overcome with uneasiness. I knew very little about this guy. I knew he had just returned home from serving in El Salvador for two years. And he was cute. That was about it...Needless to say, I had some investigating to do before I called this guy my future husband.

There was a YSA ward picnic in a few days and he said he'd be there. Which meant I would too, obvi. I didn't want to be right on time (I have a problem with my punctuality, you see. I'm always on time. Always. But for parties/gatherings, when you're right on time, you look like a loser. Mormons don't show up until at least 30 minutes after the scheduled time. I didn't want to show up and A) be all alone or B) have Chad already be there and see what a loser I am).

When I finally showed up (over an hour later--I got lost...), he was there having a conversation in Spanish with someone. I, like a complete desperate dummy, walked right up to him and said "HI!". Well, he was talking to someone already, so he casually said hi back and continued his conversation.
I felt so ridiculous. I was not being myself, at all. I was nervous and came off desperate. The thing is, I had promised myself no more boyfriends for a while. I was not interested in any sort of relationship. So why was I acting this way?

All the guys were heading towards the baseball field to get a game going. Chad was excited to play, that was obvious. His excitement was clear, and it made me curious to see if he was excited because it was something to do or because he was actually good. Well, he rocked it. He was showing off, and normally I hate that, but it was clear he was showing off for me, and I liked it. He'd hit the ball, run to first base and look at me to make sure I saw. So cute.

When the game was over we talked for a bit.
"My cousin is having a few friends over to play games tonight if you want to come. Or not, whatever. It's really not a big deal".
Do you want me to go, or not?
I had already been invited by another guy to a bonfire at his place that night and told him I'd go, so I was a little unsure what to do. The bonfire sounded like fun, but come on, that guy wasn't my future husband. So I told Chad I had other plans but I hated bonfires so games sounded much more appealing.
When he came to pick me up he had Garth Brooks playing in his car. HA. I immediately went for his CD case to pick something else.
"Why do you have Garth Brooks playing when you could be playing only the best band ever, Incubus?"
"Girls like Garth Brooks", he replied.
"Not this girl", I said.

He smiled and changed out the CD's. Based on his CD collection, it was pretty clear he didn't like country music either. One more reason I knew I liked him: he had awesome taste in music.

We got to his cousins place, played games and had a blast. We watched a few episodes of The Office and decided to call it a night. Chad took me home, and as much as I wanted him to kiss me, I was glad when he didn't. This game he was playing, although it was nothing I was used to, kept things interesting. He had my 100% attention.

The next day was Sunday. We sat next to each other at church and he invited me to go to ward prayer with him later that evening. Afterwards, he invited me to his house to watch a movie. We watched 27 Dresses (how was that even an option??) on opposite sides of the couch. Towards the end of the movie he asked me to sit closer to him. I obliged and our bodies touched, but we didn't hold hands. He was driving me crazy. I knew he liked me but was making zero moves.
When the movie was over he said,
"Come here".
"No. I know what you're doing. You come here", I said.
I was not going to give in. He had pulled every bit of information out of me. I had given in too quickly. But if he wanted to kiss me, he was going to make the move. I was putting my foot down.
He scooted over, put his hand on my knee and leaned in.

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008 I had my last first kiss.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Our love story: part 2

There he was. Lookin' all cute and mormon-y. It was pretty obvious he had just returned from a mission. He looked over at me and at that moment I realized I'd been staring at him since the second he walked through the door. I hurried and looked back at my phone. Play hard to get. You're single now, but don't let him know it, I thought. He sat on the couch opposite me and was talking to another girl. I couldn't decide whether or not to approach him. You know, just be nice and introduce myself. But I decided against it. He was busy and I didn't want to look too desperate.
He got up to get some ice and I glanced back at him only to find him, once again, looking at me. I gave a quick smile, but it was more of a raise your eyebrows, "I-notice-you-looking-at-me-and-I-feel-awkward" smile.
[side note: Chad claims I was staring at him and he purposely got up to get ice to see if my eyes would follow him. Not true, but whatever]

It took about 15 minutes before we started talking. He initiated the conversation, yet I never stopped talking. You see, Chad has this way about him. He's really good at getting information out of people without them realizing it until it's too late. Ten minutes into our conversation I had told him pretty much every detail of my life, yet I knew nothing about him. When I finally gave myself time to breathe he asked me if I was single. I almost said no but decided to tell him that yes, I in fact was single. He then looked me up and down, VERY conspicuously I might add, and said,
"Wow, something must be seriously wrong with you of you're single".
Really? At first I thought he was kidding, but nope. He was serious. I didn't know whether to be flattered or extremely offended! I decided based on the fact that he had previously checked me out hardcore, he was attempting to give me a compliment.

I was a bit taken aback. Not only had he just given me a somewhat backhanded compliment, now he was putting me in the position of either lying or going into further detail about my life. Do I tell him my boyfriend and I had just broken up because he wanted to get with another girl or do I go for the "I'm single and loving it!" approach? I tried to change the subject but that didn't work out too well. He kept prying so I told him, "Well, it's pretty recent. My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago but it's so not a big deal", as I choked back the tears. I was coming off the exact opposite of how I wanted. I wasn't the cool, nonchalant, cute, happy girl I wanted to come across as. I was nervous, emotional, fidgety, and couldn't keep my mouth shut. Oh, and I was rude because not once did I ask him any questions about himself. I felt ridiculous and although I knew I should probably get out of there before I made an even bigger fool of myself, I was drawn to him. His smile made me melt. He had such a positive energy, I had to be near him.

Before I knew it, it was almost midnight and we were headed to Merritt's, a 24 hour hole-in-the wall diner with the best scones in the state. We were driving with another couple (who are now our closest friends). Dan, Chad's best friend since childhood, was driving down the road in his brand new car when a deer appeared out of nowhere. He slammed on his breaks and barely grazed the deer. The deer froze. We froze. We didn't know whether to go around her or wait for her to move along so we just sat there. The deer wasn't moving and neither were we. Dan got out of the car and tried to shoo her away but she wasn't having it. I put my hand on Chad's back and said how bad I felt for the poor fawn. When I felt his warmth on my hand I hurried and took it away. It felt like a bolt of lightning running through my veins. We just touched! That was the moment I realized, yep, I like this guy.
[Chad later told me that was the moment he realized he liked me too-but not because I touched him. It was because I felt so bad for the deer! What a weirdo]

Luckily another driver knew to turn off his lights so the deer could see and she ran away. We made our way to Merritt's and Chad ordered a strawberry scone for us to share.
He then asked me,
"Do you dye your hair?"
I was immediately offended. He was implying I was a blonde. I know I can be an airhead, but he didn't even know me! How rude.
I said,
"Um no, actually. This is my natural hair color, thank you very much. Are you implying I should be blonde?"
He responded by saying,
"No, its just that your eyes are so green. I've never seen such green eyes with such dark hair".
Oooooh, so once again, he was attempting to compliment me. He was trying, that was for sure. And although he wasn't as smooth with words as he thought he was being, I was falling for him. Hard.

We continued to chat and eat our delicious scones. Next thing we knew it was almost 3:00 in the morning. I knew it was time to go home but at the same time, I didn't want to be away from him. Never, in all my itty bitty 18 years of life had anyone had such an impact on me in such a short amount of time. When I got back to my car to drive home I had the most overwhelming feeling:
That's the boy I'm going to marry.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Our love story: part 1

I was 18, a freshman at Southern Utah University, and thought I was just about the greatest thing since sliced bread. It was March and spring break was quickly approaching. My roommate had invited me to go on an all expenses paid cruise with her family. Yeah, a cruise. Seriously? Don't mind if I do. My parents had just moved from New York to Boise so there was no chance of me going "home". I called my mom to make sure it wouldn't be a problem.

"I really don't feel comfortable with it", she said.
Umm seriously?
"WHY??", I asked.
"I think you need to come here to Boise. Don't ask me why, I can't give you an answer, but I don't feel good about you going on that cruise".

A few other words were said, probably me being sassy and complaining to her that she wouldn't let me go. I'd be with my roommates parents. My boyfriend was going to be with his family in New Jersey so he wouldn't be with us. What could happen? Honestly. Plus it would be fully paid for. I was completely annoyed, frustrated, and flat out mad.
My roommate would be spending her spring break in the Caribbean and I'd be alone in Boise, Idaho. Ew. Not that I don't love my parents, but I knew absolutely no one in Boise. I'd be spending 100% of my time--SPRING BREAK TIME, mind you-- with my parents. Not the most ideal situation for an 18 year old who is just getting used to college life.

Spring break approached too quickly and before I knew it, I was on the 8 hour drive from Cedar City to Boise. I was relaxing with my parents, getting comfortable in my new room, and helping them unpack when my mom mentioned she thought I should go to the single adults FHE activity to get to know some of the people I might be spending time with in the summer. Well...I wasn't totally set on moving home for the summer. I was planning on staying in Cedar and working full time. Be away from my boyfriend for 3 months? Yeah, I don't think so. So, once again, my mom's plans for me weren't the most ideal. But I decided to go with it. I'd be there for 2 weeks so it couldn't hurt to try and make some friends.

I walked into the beautiful house full of young single adults. Feeding frenzy [I so don't miss being in a single adult ward]. I hung out, got to know a few people, and felt like I'd really made some cool friends. One of the guys said they were going to have a Boise Burn party that upcoming weekend and asked me if I wanted to join. Sure, I thought. Why not. I figured he'd forget to let me know when and where it was and that would be it.

The next morning, I got a text from my boyfriend:

"Are you in love with me?", he asked.
Nope. But I didn't want to sound like a snot, so I said,
"I don't know...why?"
His response? "I think this relationship might be moving too fast".

Um, yeah..not so much. But I knew what he was doing. I was out of town and he wanted to get with some chick but would have felt guilty if he cheated on me. I told him fine, we don't need to go out anymore. The end, no biggie. But immediately I began to sob. I couldn't believe what had just happened. He had broken up with me. Even though I wasn't in love with him, he was a huge part of my life. I spent every day with him. Even if he was a jerk, at that time, he meant more to me than anyone else. Needless to say, I was a wreck.

Three days later I got a text from the boy at FHE. He was reminding me of the party that night, let me know where and when and said I better be there. I decided I'd show up for a half hour or so. I figured everyone there would be from FHE and although they all seemed really cool, I kind of had plans that night to wallow in self pity.

I walked in the door, chit chatted for a bit and sat on the couch. Immediately I took out my phone, pretending like I had someone to talk to. I looked at the clock and realized it had been 20 minutes. Ten more minutes, I thought. Then I can go home.

I heard a knock on the door, looked up, and there he was.

To be continued...