Adoption vs. IVF

I've been kind of MIA these last few weeks, so for you five readers out there, I do apologize :) I've had a lot on my mind, though. I just haven't been able to come up with a way of putting it all into words. Plus our house is (supposedly) going to be done in less than two weeks and I'm kind of freaking out a bit. Either way, I'm back.

A lot of the things that have been on my mind recently are, you guessed it, adoption and IVF. Or just babies in general. The thing that's awesome though, is as much as it sucks to hear people are pregnant, I don't have a complete breakdown anymore. Weird, isn't it? You'd think I'd be MORE upset knowing that option isn't even available to me. Before I knew what the problem was, at least I didn't know it wasn't going to happen. You'd think ignorance is bliss in this case, but it really isn't. I'm so glad to know what the issue is. And I've finally been able to accept it.

[I also think part of the reason I've been doing so well is because I got rid of facebook so I haven't been finding out every five seconds that someone else is pregnant. Plus it's just been so nice to not have it- really, it's almost a peaceful feeling to not have the chaos of facebook in my life]

Okay, where was I? Yes, adoption and IVF. I've been trying to do research on both subjects, because to be honest, I know nothing about either. I've been reading TONS of adoption blogs and it's been amazing. I love seeing those wonderful people out there writing about their heartache of infertility, disappointment of waiting for a birth mother to put their faith & trust in them, and eventually, their perfect miracle. I've also contacted some people who have tried both fertility treatments and adopted and they have been so incredibly helpful.

This entire process has been so great to learn about everything, yet extremely overwhelming. I am so torn. To help, I've tried to make a list of pros and cons for each option.

IVF (pros) :

• The ability to experience pregnancy. I would love to be able to feel the baby inside me and experience the whole pregnancy firsthand, from start to finish. Although IVF isn't my most ideal way of conceiving a baby, if it meant I would be able to experience the gift of pregnancy, I would gladly accept it.

• Having a baby of our very own. I have absolutely nothing against adoption, I know without a doubt if I were to adopt, I'd love that baby just as much as if I'd given birth to it myself. But I think every woman wants to be able to give birth to their own baby if they can. I'd love my baby to have similar physical features, as well as personality traits, as Chad and myself.

IVF (cons) :

• The cost. It's roughly $16,000. Enough said.

• The physical toll. Just the medication alone is awful. Not only is injected directly into your stomach every day for 2 weeks leading up to ovulation, it makes you sick to your stomach, gain weight, exhausted, etc. I don't want it to sound like it wouldn't be worth it, because oh my goodness, it would be worth it. But what if it doesn't work out?

• The unknown. Right where I left off...what if it doesn't work out? What if I go through all that and my body rejects it? If you know me, you know I like to have a plan. I like things to fall into place exactly as I want them to (which I'm sure is part of the reason Heavenly Father is testing me the way He is!). IVF is pretty much the epitome of unknown. You're going in and relying solely on your faith. So I guess the real question is, do I have enough faith?

Adoption (pros) :

• A baby to call our own. This would be our baby. Even if I don't give birth to the baby myself, I know it will belong to Chad and me.

• Being able to adopt. I've always wanted to adopt a baby. Even before I knew I wouldn't be able to have children. Being blessed with a baby through adoption is a gift I've always longed for. Although I didn't think I would be considering adoption this early in my life, it's always been an interest of mine.

Adoption (cons) :

• The unknown. Once again, the entire process is unknown. You are completely at the mercy of the birth mother. Who knows how long we'll be on the waiting list. What if we're on the list for years? What if, heaven forbid, no one picks us?

• Rejection. What if a birth mother chooses us to place her baby with, and at the last minute she changes her mind? What if she has it narrowed down to us and one other couple and she chooses them? What if we get to know a birth mother from the beginning, watch the baby grow, form a relationship with her and then she cuts us off?

Basically, this whole thing scares me and any input is greatly appreciated. I love hearing from you, really. Have you gone through the IVF process? Have you adopted? Do you know anyone who's experienced either of these options?

Comment. email me. call me. send me a letter (okay that's a little extreme). Anything helps. Being torn in two directions is tough, I tell ya, and every little bit of advice helps.