Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Yesterday was one of those days. The kind where all you want to do is mope around and feel sorry for yourself. And then you take a step back and realize you're feeling sorry for yourself, so you get embarrassed for feeling that way. And you cry and cry until you have no more tears left.
I hate those days.

Let me point out, once again, this blog is a journal- I know I've mentioned that before, but really. It's not a place I go to look for pity. I hate pity. Whenever I see people complaining (usually for reasons unbeknownst to me) I've always thought to myself, "These people need to just suck it up. Stop whining and get over it. The world keeps on turning". Funny how those thoughts aren't applicable to myself, huh?

Anyway, as Chad and I were in bed talking about the day, I confessed to him that I was feeling...numb. Sure, I still have faith in the Lord. My testimony of Him and His power has never wavered. But maybe I've kind of been put on the back burner for a bit. I mean I know there are people who have much more serious issues than myself. And that's something I could understand. I certainly don't think I'm more important than anyone else around me. We all have issues, complications, frustrations, what have you. It would be silly of me to expect the Lord to drop everything and focus solely on me, 100%, right? Ha, such a silly girl.

As I prayed, head on my tear-soaked pillow, I realized that the Lord knows everything I'm going through. He knows how much my heart hurts. He wants to help me, really! But I'm allowing Satan to take control. This made me cry even more. Oh, how much that must hurt the Lord- to so badly want me to come to Him, trust in Him, rely on Him. As much as I ache to be a mom, He aches to help me.

It's quite simple really: I yearn for something so badly, the Lord wants to help me, but I still feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Solution? Swallow my pride and have faith in the Lord... believing with every ounce of strength I have that He'll answer my prayers. Because He will.

The Lord has made it known that Chad and I can't do this on our own. So here I am. Not only asking the Lord for help, but you too. Have any advice? I'd like to hear it. If not, that's okay too. But I do have one request: please still be my friend even though I'm a big fat whiner baby.


  1. Hey Kate, your post made me cry! I can't say that I know exactly what you're going through, I don't, but I have had those feelings of being numb, going through the motions and just feeling beyond discouraged. You know what I think? It is okay, even necessary to feel these things. The only thing that matters is that you keep trying, that you always allow the Lord in your life. You are one strong woman. The Lord does focus on you 100%, it just isn't always in the way we would like sometimes :) You are fantastic to allow others to read your journal, I am too scared for that.

  2. I can understand the struggle of feeling numb and allowing Satan to overwhelm you with negative and selfish thoughts. I struggle with that all the time. It really have to step back and allow myself the realize that Satan wants me to fail in my life and I need to push him away from my soul and reach for the light in my life. I think a helpful thing would be to try and not focus on the stresses in life and become more calm. Maybe try taking yoga classes to help center your thoughts and release stress.

  3. Kate, you are my hero. Really. I have loved reading your blog for months now and you are such an inspiration to me! You always know how to make me cry and you write such amazing things! I know that the Lord is so aware of you right now. You are a strong and amazing woman, He's just waiting to bless you! My mom always tells me that sometimes you will go through the hardest things, but right around the corner, something great is waiting to happen. You just have to have the faith to keep going to get around that corner. I love you and thank you for the sweet comment on my blog!

  4. Have faith that he has children in the plan for you. He knows your heart, and how much you can handle. He's preparing you to be an amazing mother, wether you have children yourself, or adopt. The hardest thing is to know that something will happen but still having to wait. Enjoy those beautiful nieces and nephews until your moment comes.