Chad and Kate

photo-a-day?

2012-02-09T09:54:00.000-08:00

[circa 2010]

so i found this on fat mum slim a while ago and thought, "wow, how fun would that be? i'm gonna DO IT". So I did a few, then lost interest. i mean, i love instagram, don't get me wrong, but i don't take pictures of everything i do/see/eat, etc. but alas, i've decided to pick it back up. and i think you should too. who cares if we're a week and a half into the month? i don't! it's fun to document things you wouldn't otherwise even think of documenting. so GO FOR IT, k?

also, if you hate courtney on the bachelor as much as i do (which, let's face it, how can you not?) i've included this for your viewing pleasure.

you're welcome.

p.s the 5th and final chapter of our love story to come soon! i know all twelve of you are just dying to find out the end ;)

Sweetness

2012-02-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

Guess what, guys? I did a guest post on someone's blog! She's doing Fourteen Days of Love leading up to Valentine's day and asked me to be a part of it. How awesome is that? She's super duper rad. You should check it out!

themeaningfulpursuit.blogspot.com

awkward & awesome?

2012-02-02T13:19:00.000-08:00

awkward:

- singing at the top of my lungs to t-swift only to look over at the guy in the car next to me staring. i'm pretty sure it looked like i was having a serious freak out.but don't worry, i kept singing.

- IMing to the receptionist at work about how bad the employees look in the company directory when they have ponytails. on the day she was getting her picture taken. while her hair was in a ponytail...whoops.

- trying to hurry back to my office while i'm wearing heels and a pencil skirt. my boss looks at me and says, "i would love to see you try to jog in that outfit". long strides = impossible.

awesome:

- tomorrow is friday. can i be done now?

- my post below. [p.s. did i really post twice in a day? what the what?]

- face timing my parents. i kind of want to make it a nightly ritual. face time is bomb.

- craving brownie cookies from albertsons but not wanting to leave the office to get them, only to have the receptionist tell me she's running to said albertsons, do i want anything? why yes, yes i do.

- eating 4 brownie cookies from albertsons. would you like me to say albertsons again? albertsons.

- i'm getting my hair cut/colored today. i haven't had my hair dyed since my wedding so...almost four years ago. wowza. i'm kind of terrified but so excited at the same time.

i'm kinda liking this whole awkward & awesome thursdays thing. maybe i'll try to do it every thursday!...yeah probably not.

p.s. the bright bit is doing a valentine's giveaway! check it out. livi rules.

Hilarity.

2012-02-02T10:18:00.001-08:00

Peeps. You need to watch this. STAT.

Does everyone think this is as hilarious as I do? He's walking..on his hind legs...like a person.

And he's looking around like, "What are you lookin' at?". You know that's what he's thinking.

I showed my co-worker and he said, "Put that dog in some heels ASAP!".

Can you imagine? I'm dying.

Oh, the simple joys in life.

Our Home!

2012-01-26T10:53:00.001-08:00

I've had a few requests for some pictures of our new home. I tried to get as many angles as possible (and I was using a crappy cell phone camera because ours has gone missing) so bear with me :)

Just click on the pictures to make them bigger, I know I should have re-sized them when I edited them, but I didn't and now I have no desire to go back.

And here...we...go

Don't make fun of our ghetto tv stand! We're getting an entertainment center ASAP.

The end!

I didn't get a few pictures, including the patio (door) and backyard, but you get the jist. The backyard is still just dirt anyway, so when we get it looking all cute, I'll post some pictures. And we clearly have A LOT of work to do, including those beloved plant shelves! They are going to be so fun to decorate, yet so time consuming. But I'm excited to get them looking cute.

Also, our bedroom is disgraceful. We're going to get a headboard, nightstands and a media center for our tv (I didn't even bother taking a picture of what we have set up now). But it works for now! We love our new California King bed. When I look at the queen bed we used to have it looks so tiny! We're so blessed. So so so blessed.

So there you have it. Hope you love it as much as we do!

Our love story: part 4

2012-01-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

After that kiss, I knew I was in trouble. No more working over the summer in Cedar City. I was going to be spending my time with Chad Boise, Idaho. It didn't matter than I knew virtually no one and had no job lined up. Boise was where I was supposed to be. The fact that my parents moved from New York to Idaho (literally just down the street from Chad's family) was meant to be. Chad and I were supposed to meet, that I knew.

He took me home and I immediately missed him. I didn't want to go back to school. But the next day, bright & early, I started my six hour trek back to Cedar. When I finally arrived, I told my roommate all about Chad. She figured he was just a rebound from my previous boyfriend, but something was different about him. I couldn't convince anyone Chad and I were going to be together. They all knew me well, settling down was definitely not in my plans. But I couldn't help it! He was the one!

We spent our days talking on the MSN messenger (back when it was cool) and the phone. We asked each other questions ranging from "if you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?" to "what's a secret no one else knows about you?". Somewhere in the month and a half we were away from each other, he went on a cruise and bought me a souvenir. Cutie. I tricked him on April Fools by texting him that I wasn't interested in him and didn't think we should talk anymore. [He immediately called me to try to convince me otherwise- lucky for him, I was definitely kidding]. He came to Utah for General Conference and we met up in Provo. We met at a park and made out in the car for a good while. Mom, you probably didn't know that. Whoops!

May rolled around and he called me at 5:00am on my birthday (the 1st) to wish me happy birthday. I was so angry he interrupted my sleep, yet I couldn't stop smiling. He had remembered my birthday (even if he thought I was turning 20 but was really only turning 19...turns out my lie about my age actually did matter!).

May 2nd, school was over and I headed back to Idaho. The next month we spent every day together. A few days after I got home, he said he liked me enough to take me on a real live date- you know, the kind where I dress up a bit and he spends money on me. We went to PF Changs and he took me to this place in the foothills that looks over all of Boise. We stood there in the dark, holding hands, staring at the beautiful city. So simple, yet so romantic.

May 16th we went to a dollar movie and on the drive home he said,

"Just so you know, you're my girlfriend now".

"Oh, I am? I don't have a say in the matter?", I said rather taken aback.

"Nope, I already decided"

"Well, okay then...". I didn't even try to put up a fight!

May 20th we were sitting on my couch when I asked him,

"So how long have you known you wanted to marry me?"

(Kinda joking around, kinda not)

He sat there for a second, a bit stunned. Apparently he had prayed about it the night before and received confirmation I was the one he needed to be with forever.

When he explained all this to me, I was literally shaking. I knew I was going to marry him the night I met him. But I figured I'd have to wait around a while for him. When he said that, it all became real.

We talked about it a bit but I was going out of town the next day so our conversation was cut short. We talked about it briefly while I was gone but it was killing me. I wanted to be with him figuring it all out. I like planning. I don't like the unknown, and our "LET'S GET MARRIED" conversation was just dangling there. When I got home, we discussed what would be best for us and it was decided:

On August 28, 2008, our lives were going to change forever.

go here for part 1

go here for part 2

go here for part 3

Our love story: part 3

2012-01-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

I was so not ready to get married. I was still a teenager! Could I be wrong, though? I mean, I barely knew this guy. He was the exact opposite of every guy I'd ever dated. He tried so hard to be Mr. Suave but was so...not. He was so dorky it was adorable.

I went up to my room and sat on my bed, so giddy with excitement, yet overcome with uneasiness. I knew very little about this guy. I knew he had just returned home from serving in El Salvador for two years. And he was cute. That was about it...Needless to say, I had some investigating to do before I called this guy my future husband.

There was a YSA ward picnic in a few days and he said he'd be there. Which meant I would too, obvi. I didn't want to be right on time (I have a problem with my punctuality, you see. I'm always on time. Always. But for parties/gatherings, when you're right on time, you look like a loser. Mormons don't show up until at least 30 minutes after the scheduled time. I didn't want to show up and A) be all alone or B) have Chad already be there and see what a loser I am).

When I finally showed up (over an hour later--I got lost...), he was there having a conversation in Spanish with someone. I, like a complete desperate dummy, walked right up to him and said "HI!". Well, he was talking to someone already, so he casually said hi back and continued his conversation.
I felt so ridiculous. I was not being myself, at all. I was nervous and came off desperate. The thing is, I had promised myself no more boyfriends for a while. I was not interested in any sort of relationship. So why was I acting this way?

All the guys were heading towards the baseball field to get a game going. Chad was excited to play, that was obvious. His excitement was clear, and it made me curious to see if he was excited because it was something to do or because he was actually good. Well, he rocked it. He was showing off, and normally I hate that, but it was clear he was showing off for me, and I liked it. He'd hit the ball, run to first base and look at me to make sure I saw. So cute.

When the game was over we talked for a bit.

"My cousin is having a few friends over to play games tonight if you want to come. Or not, whatever. It's really not a big deal".

Do you want me to go, or not?

I had already been invited by another guy to a bonfire at his place that night and told him I'd go, so I was a little unsure what to do. The bonfire sounded like fun, but come on, that guy wasn't my future husband. So I told Chad I had other plans but I hated bonfires so games sounded much more appealing.

When he came to pick me up he had Garth Brooks playing in his car. HA. I immediately went for his CD case to pick something else.

"Why do you have Garth Brooks playing when you could be playing only the best band ever, Incubus?"

"Girls like Garth Brooks", he replied.

"Not this girl", I said.

He smiled and changed out the CD's. Based on his CD collection, it was pretty clear he didn't like country music either. One more reason I knew I liked him: he had awesome taste in music.

We got to his cousins place, played games and had a blast. We watched a few episodes of The Office and decided to call it a night. Chad took me home, and as much as I wanted him to kiss me, I was glad when he didn't. This game he was playing, although it was nothing I was used to, kept things interesting. He had my 100% attention.

The next day was Sunday. We sat next to each other at church and he invited me to go to ward prayer with him later that evening. Afterwards, he invited me to his house to watch a movie. We watched 27 Dresses (how was that even an option??) on opposite sides of the couch. Towards the end of the movie he asked me to sit closer to him. I obliged and our bodies touched, but we didn't hold hands. He was driving me crazy. I knew he liked me but was making zero moves.

When the movie was over he said,

"Come here".

"No. I know what you're doing. You come here", I said.

I was not going to give in. He had pulled every bit of information out of me. I had given in too quickly. But if he wanted to kiss me, he was going to make the move. I was putting my foot down.

He scooted over, put his hand on my knee and leaned in.

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008 I had my last first kiss.

go here for part 1

go here for part 2

Our love story: part 2

2012-01-05T11:31:00.000-08:00

There he was. Lookin' all cute and mormon-y. It was pretty obvious he had just returned from a mission. He looked over at me and at that moment I realized I'd been staring at him since the second he walked through the door. I hurried and looked back at my phone. Play hard to get. You're single now, but don't let him know it, I thought. He sat on the couch opposite me and was talking to another girl. I couldn't decide whether or not to approach him. You know, just be nice and introduce myself. But I decided against it. He was busy and I didn't want to look too desperate.

He got up to get some ice and I glanced back at him only to find him, once again, looking at me. I gave a quick smile, but it was more of a raise your eyebrows, "I-notice-you-looking-at-me-and-I-feel-awkward" smile.

[side note: Chad claims I was staring at him and he purposely got up to get ice to see if my eyes would follow him. Not true, but whatever]

It took about 15 minutes before we started talking. He initiated the conversation, yet I never stopped talking. You see, Chad has this way about him. He's really good at getting information out of people without them realizing it until it's too late. Ten minutes into our conversation I had told him pretty much every detail of my life, yet I knew nothing about him. When I finally gave myself time to breathe he asked me if I was single. I almost said no but decided to tell him that yes, I in fact was single. He then looked me up and down, VERY conspicuously I might add, and said,

"Wow, something must be seriously wrong with you of you're single".

Really? At first I thought he was kidding, but nope. He was serious. I didn't know whether to be flattered or extremely offended! I decided based on the fact that he had previously checked me out hardcore, he was attempting to give me a compliment.

I was a bit taken aback. Not only had he just given me a somewhat backhanded compliment, now he was putting me in the position of either lying or going into further detail about my life. Do I tell him my boyfriend and I had just broken up because he wanted to get with another girl or do I go for the "I'm single and loving it!" approach? I tried to change the subject but that didn't work out too well. He kept prying so I told him, "Well, it's pretty recent. My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago but it's so not a big deal", as I choked back the tears. I was coming off the exact opposite of how I wanted. I wasn't the cool, nonchalant, cute, happy girl I wanted to come across as. I was nervous, emotional, fidgety, and couldn't keep my mouth shut. Oh, and I was rude because not once did I ask him any questions about himself. I felt ridiculous and although I knew I should probably get out of there before I made an even bigger fool of myself, I was drawn to him. His smile made me melt. He had such a positive energy, I had to be near him.

Before I knew it, it was almost midnight and we were headed to Merritt's, a 24 hour hole-in-the wall diner with the best scones in the state. We were driving with another couple (who are now our closest friends). Dan, Chad's best friend since childhood, was driving down the road in his brand new car when a deer appeared out of nowhere. He slammed on his breaks and barely grazed the deer. The deer froze. We froze. We didn't know whether to go around her or wait for her to move along so we just sat there. The deer wasn't moving and neither were we. Dan got out of the car and tried to shoo her away but she wasn't having it. I put my hand on Chad's back and said how bad I felt for the poor fawn. When I felt his warmth on my hand I hurried and took it away. It felt like a bolt of lightning running through my veins. We just touched! That was the moment I realized, yep, I like this guy.

[Chad later told me that was the moment he realized he liked me too-but not because I touched him. It was because I felt so bad for the deer! What a weirdo]

Luckily another driver knew to turn off his lights so the deer could see and she ran away. We made our way to Merritt's and Chad ordered a strawberry scone for us to share.

He then asked me,

"Do you dye your hair?"

I was immediately offended. He was implying I was a blonde. I know I can be an airhead, but he didn't even know me! How rude.

I said,

"Um no, actually. This is my natural hair color, thank you very much. Are you implying I should be blonde?"

He responded by saying,

"No, its just that your eyes are so green. I've never seen such green eyes with such dark hair".

Oooooh, so once again, he was attempting to compliment me. He was trying, that was for sure. And although he wasn't as smooth with words as he thought he was being, I was falling for him. Hard.

We continued to chat and eat our delicious scones. Next thing we knew it was almost 3:00 in the morning. I knew it was time to go home but at the same time, I didn't want to be away from him. Never, in all my itty bitty 18 years of life had anyone had such an impact on me in such a short amount of time. When I got back to my car to drive home I had the most overwhelming feeling:

That's the boy I'm going to marry.

go here for part 1

Our love story: part 1

2012-01-04T12:28:00.000-08:00

I was 18, a freshman at Southern Utah University, and thought I was just about the greatest thing since sliced bread. It was March and spring break was quickly approaching. My roommate had invited me to go on an all expenses paid cruise with her family. Yeah, a cruise. Seriously? Don't mind if I do. My parents had just moved from New York to Boise so there was no chance of me going "home". I called my mom to make sure it wouldn't be a problem.

"I really don't feel comfortable with it", she said.

Umm seriously?

"WHY??", I asked.

"I think you need to come here to Boise. Don't ask me why, I can't give you an answer, but I don't feel good about you going on that cruise".

A few other words were said, probably me being sassy and complaining to her that she wouldn't let me go. I'd be with my roommates parents. My boyfriend was going to be with his family in New Jersey so he wouldn't be with us. What could happen? Honestly. Plus it would be fully paid for. I was completely annoyed, frustrated, and flat out mad.

My roommate would be spending her spring break in the Caribbean and I'd be alone in Boise, Idaho. Ew. Not that I don't love my parents, but I knew absolutely no one in Boise. I'd be spending 100% of my time--SPRING BREAK TIME, mind you-- with my parents. Not the most ideal situation for an 18 year old who is just getting used to college life.

Spring break approached too quickly and before I knew it, I was on the 8 hour drive from Cedar City to Boise. I was relaxing with my parents, getting comfortable in my new room, and helping them unpack when my mom mentioned she thought I should go to the single adults FHE activity to get to know some of the people I might be spending time with in the summer. Well...I wasn't totally set on moving home for the summer. I was planning on staying in Cedar and working full time. Be away from my boyfriend for 3 months? Yeah, I don't think so. So, once again, my mom's plans for me weren't the most ideal. But I decided to go with it. I'd be there for 2 weeks so it couldn't hurt to try and make some friends.

I walked into the beautiful house full of young single adults. Feeding frenzy [I so don't miss being in a single adult ward]. I hung out, got to know a few people, and felt like I'd really made some cool friends. One of the guys said they were going to have a Boise Burn party that upcoming weekend and asked me if I wanted to join. Sure, I thought. Why not. I figured he'd forget to let me know when and where it was and that would be it.

The next morning, I got a text from my boyfriend:

"Are you in love with me?", he asked.

Nope. But I didn't want to sound like a snot, so I said,

"I don't know...why?"

His response? "I think this relationship might be moving too fast".

Um, yeah..not so much. But I knew what he was doing. I was out of town and he wanted to get with some chick but would have felt guilty if he cheated on me. I told him fine, we don't need to go out anymore. The end, no biggie. But immediately I began to sob. I couldn't believe what had just happened. He had broken up with me. Even though I wasn't in love with him, he was a huge part of my life. I spent every day with him. Even if he was a jerk, at that time, he meant more to me than anyone else. Needless to say, I was a wreck.

Three days later I got a text from the boy at FHE. He was reminding me of the party that night, let me know where and when and said I better be there. I decided I'd show up for a half hour or so. I figured everyone there would be from FHE and although they all seemed really cool, I kind of had plans that night to wallow in self pity.

I walked in the door, chit chatted for a bit and sat on the couch. Immediately I took out my phone, pretending like I had someone to talk to. I looked at the clock and realized it had been 20 minutes. Ten more minutes, I thought. Then I can go home.

I heard a knock on the door, looked up, and there he was.

To be continued...

Adoption vs. IVF

2011-12-08T12:15:00.000-08:00

I've been kind of MIA these last few weeks, so for you five readers out there, I do apologize :) I've had a lot on my mind, though. I just haven't been able to come up with a way of putting it all into words. Plus our house is (supposedly) going to be done in less than two weeks and I'm kind of freaking out a bit. Either way, I'm back.

A lot of the things that have been on my mind recently are, you guessed it, adoption and IVF. Or just babies in general. The thing that's awesome though, is as much as it sucks to hear people are pregnant, I don't have a complete breakdown anymore. Weird, isn't it? You'd think I'd be MORE upset knowing that option isn't even available to me. Before I knew what the problem was, at least I didn't know it wasn't going to happen. You'd think ignorance is bliss in this case, but it really isn't. I'm so glad to know what the issue is. And I've finally been able to accept it.

[I also think part of the reason I've been doing so well is because I got rid of facebook so I haven't been finding out every five seconds that someone else is pregnant. Plus it's just been so nice to not have it- really, it's almost a peaceful feeling to not have the chaos of facebook in my life]

Okay, where was I? Yes, adoption and IVF. I've been trying to do research on both subjects, because to be honest, I know nothing about either. I've been reading TONS of adoption blogs and it's been amazing. I love seeing those wonderful people out there writing about their heartache of infertility, disappointment of waiting for a birth mother to put their faith & trust in them, and eventually, their perfect miracle. I've also contacted some people who have tried both fertility treatments and adopted and they have been so incredibly helpful.

This entire process has been so great to learn about everything, yet extremely overwhelming. I am so torn. To help, I've tried to make a list of pros and cons for each option.

IVF (pros) :

The ability to experience pregnancy. I would love to be able to feel the baby inside me and experience the whole pregnancy firsthand, from start to finish. Although IVF isn't my most ideal way of conceiving a baby, if it meant I would be able to experience the gift of pregnancy, I would gladly accept it.

Having a baby of our very own. I have absolutely nothing against adoption, I know without a doubt if I were to adopt, I'd love that baby just as much as if I'd given birth to it myself. But I think every woman wants to be able to give birth to their own baby if they can. I'd love my baby to have similar physical features, as well as personality traits, as Chad and myself.

IVF (cons) :

The cost. It's roughly $16,000. Enough said.

The physical toll. Just the medication alone is awful. Not only is injected directly into your stomach every day for 2 weeks leading up to ovulation, it makes you sick to your stomach, gain weight, exhausted, etc. I don't want it to sound like it wouldn't be worth it, because oh my goodness, it would be worth it. But what if it doesn't work out?

The unknown. Right where I left off...what if it doesn't work out? What if I go through all that and my body rejects it? If you know me, you know I like to have a plan. I like things to fall into place exactly as I want them to (which I'm sure is part of the reason Heavenly Father is testing me the way He is!). IVF is pretty much the epitome of unknown. You're going in and relying solely on your faith. So I guess the real question is, do I have enough faith?

Adoption (pros) :

A baby to call our own. This would be our baby. Even if I don't give birth to the baby myself, I know it will belong to Chad and me.

Being able to adopt. I've always wanted to adopt a baby. Even before I knew I wouldn't be able to have children. Being blessed with a baby through adoption is a gift I've always longed for. Although I didn't think I would be considering adoption this early in my life, it's always been an interest of mine.

Adoption (cons) :

The unknown. Once again, the entire process is unknown. You are completely at the mercy of the birth mother. Who knows how long we'll be on the waiting list. What if we're on the list for years? What if, heaven forbid, no one picks us?

Rejection. What if a birth mother chooses us to place her baby with, and at the last minute she changes her mind? What if she has it narrowed down to us and one other couple and she chooses them? What if we get to know a birth mother from the beginning, watch the baby grow, form a relationship with her and then she cuts us off?

Basically, this whole thing scares me and any input is greatly appreciated. I love hearing from you, really. Have you gone through the IVF process? Have you adopted? Do you know anyone who's experienced either of these options?

Comment. email me. call me. send me a letter (okay that's a little extreme). Anything helps. Being torn in two directions is tough, I tell ya, and every little bit of advice helps.

Hey thanks

2011-11-17T12:33:00.000-08:00

Welp, it's November. And November is a month to be extra thankful. So I've decided to name a few things I'm extra thankful for. And since Thanksgiving is one week from today (yahoo!) I think it's only fitting to get started on the process.

So, here we go:

1. My job. Seriously, folks. It's so great. It's been super-duper busy this past week and that's been an amazing blessing. I've been pretty down lately, but while I'm at work, I don't even have time to think about anything other than work. And although a lot of the time I want to pull my hair out because I'm so overwhelmed with stuff to do, it's been such a nice distraction.

[I know it seems corny to take a picture of your office, but I love my little space]

2. Chad. I know I talk mushy about him (a lot), but he's just the greatest. Many people may not know the story of how we met, but it was definitely fate. There were just too many crazy circumstances bringing us together for it not to be. He is definitely my missing piece. He keeps me grounded, he is the most optimistic person I've ever met, he's a little smarty pants, he has more patience than anyone I know, is pretty handy (he even helped put the tar paper on our roof and will be helping with the shingles as well) and has about a million other amazing qualities. Oh, and he's pretty adorable to boot :) I love that I can just hang out with him all the time. He's my best friend. I love that I always have someone to share my time with-- that is quite a blessing.

3. Prayer. As I said before, I've had a rough couple of days. But prayer has definitely gotten me through it. Just like Chad is always there to hang out with me, the Lord is always there to talk to. I know the Lord is there 100% of the time, listening to me, comforting me, and letting me know everything is going to be okay. He's helped me feel so at peace with everything that's been going on. I'm SO grateful for that.

4. Family. I've never felt more support in my entire life than I do right now. My family is amazing. I cry, a lot, and most of the time it's because I'm so overwhelmed by the support I feel from them. They all genuinely care about my well being. They want me to be happy. They want to help in any way they can and that means so much.

[this is obviously an old picture but it's all I had on hand. And I couldn't find one with Chad's family but they're all ah-mazing!]

5. Our house! I love it. It's so cute. It's coming along so quickly! The other day we picked out our paint colors, granite, carpet, hardwood floors, etc. How fun is that? And I'm going to get my red door :) I don't know why but I've always wanted a red door. How lucky am I that I don't have to settle? I get just what I want! We are so blessed.

[taken November 16]

I'm pretty blessed, don't ya think? Life is hard, but all these things make it worth the struggle.

Hurt

2011-11-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

At this moment, I'm feel so many emotions I don't even know where to begin.

Anger

Frustration

Confusion

Overwhelmed

Bitterness

and a feeling of hurt, so deep into my core, I didn't even know it existed.

At the beginning of this whole "infertility" experience, I really didn't think anything was wrong. Both Chad and I figured we just needed a little help, a little push to get things going. We kind of assumed we'd go to the fertility specialist and they'd do whatever they needed to do to get us our baby. Never, in a million years, did I ever believe I'd hear the news I did on Friday.

In the days leading up to our appointment, I dreamt about my baby every night. Her soft dark hair, deep green eyes, wiggly little fingers and toes. I would wake up feeling so good, because I'd seen her! I knew it was Heavenly Father letting me know she was coming soon. I just knew it! Those were the most realistic dreams I'd ever had. I could physically feel her...it was undeniable. She was a smaller, but much more beautiful, perfect version of me. I would thank Heavenly Father everyday for giving me that blessing; just to see her. And I knew, I knew she was mine. Heavenly Father was giving me a little glimpse of what was soon to come. What a blessing.

As I look back, I realize that the beautiful little girl I was seeing was what I wanted her to be. This whole time, I was creating these images because I was in pure denial. Deep down, DEEP down, I knew there was a bigger problem. But I didn't want to believe it--I couldn't. I would tell myself, "Heavenly Father knows how badly I want to be a mom. He knows how much I want to be pregnant and feel that little being inside of me. He wouldn't deny me that blessing, He just couldn't". But He can.

On Friday, we had Chad's tests. I won't go into much more detail, but when everything was done, they told us not to expect a call with the results unless they were bad. Eight hours later I received a phone call. "After going over your husbands test, we've concluded your only option is in vitro. If you decide it's something you want to do, please know, it's $16,000 and with these results, you would have a 20% chance of success".

As I hung up the phone, I literally broke down. I cried so hard I couldn't stand. I cried to the point I couldn't breathe. I cried, without question, harder than I've ever cried in my entire life. Why was this happening? What had I done in my life that was so bad I deserved this kind of pain? As I sat there, crying in Chads arms, it all hit me. Everything we'd worked towards was gone. Earlier that day, I firmly believed I was going to be pregnant before the end of the year. And with one 30 second phone call, that dream of mine was gone: I'm not going to be pregnant before the end of the year, I'm not going to be pregnant before the end of next year. I very well may never be pregnant.

So here I am, feeling more confused than I've ever felt. For the longest time, we hated the feeling of the unknown. We tried to get pregnant for 2 years and never understood why it wasn't working. We didn't know what we were doing wrong. So we went to a fertility doctor and for 3 short days, we felt good. We felt at ease, because we knew everything was going to work out. Then Friday came and we were back to that feeling of pure confusion-- except now we were feeling even more confused than when we started. Do we try for adoption and risk being on a waiting list for months, even years? Or do we save our pennies for in vitro, only to have it (most likely) potentially not work out? I honestly don't think I can handle going through the painful process of in vitro and have the results be negative. I don't think my weak spirit could take it. Yet at the same time, if we don't do it, I know I would regret not knowing, because what if it DID work out? There's that small chance it will, and although it's only 20%, it's all I have.

I'm so grateful we know what the problem is, I really am. But it doesn't make it any less painful. Although I'm feeling completely numb, I'm also feeling more hurt than I feel my body can endure.

I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to start. But I have the Lord on my side and He'll help me get through this. That, I know.

Our lives right now

2011-11-03T07:40:00.001-07:00

Lots of things have been happening around here. First of which, OUR HOUSE!

(taken October 21, 2011)

(taken October 24, 2011)

(taken October 26, 2011)

(taken November 2, 2011)

It's kind of way exciting, right? These builders are kicking some serious butt. Our estimated completion date is December 21, 2011- 60 days from when they started. We're so excited, love our builder (he used to be Chad's bishop), and feel really good about our decision to build! We've been getting a lot of people asking us why we feel like building is what we should be doing as opposed to buying. We looked for a while to buy and just never felt right about any of the houses we looked at. There were a few that stood out, and we could see ourselves living in, but we didn't feel 100% sure about it. Then we met with Stan, our builder, about potentially building. We originally were just seeing if he knew of any lots available, but as we got to talking, we both felt so good about building with him. He's been amazing.

We're so excited to be building our dream home right now! Chad's family has been so wonderful. His dad and brother are doing our cabinets for us (they are so talented). They're also helping us, along with our other brother in law, roof our house and do the hardwood floors.

We feel so blessed to have had so much help in making sure we get exactly what we want. We couldn't be more thrilled with how this is all coming together!

Next, our other bit of somewhat exciting news. On Tuesday we had our first appointment with our fertility specialist, Dr. Cristin Slater. First off, she's amazing. All the staff at Idaho Center for Reproductive Medicine are so great. We immediately felt good about meeting. We felt so comfortable there and are excited to see where it will take us.

Dr. Slater seemed to think we have a lot of things in our favor. We're both young and healthy and I have good ovaries! Yay! She talked to us about our options including IUI (artificial insemination) and IVF (in vitro fertilization). Although these can be expensive, we're going to do whatever it takes to get ourselves a baby.

She did an ultra sound on me to check out my ovaries and what not and said everything looks great, which is good. Next we have to do another test for Chad and once we get the results back on that we'll have a better idea of where to go from here. She'll put me on Chlomid (an ovulation medication) which should increase our odds as well. All in all, everything seems to look really good. We're so glad we met with her! Like I said before, she's absolutely amazing.

While we were in the office, there were rows and rows of baby pictures- pictures that had been sent in by people who had met with Dr. Slater or another member of the staff. It felt so reassuring to know she's going to do whatever it takes to make this happen for us (even if, as shown in about 50% of the pictures, we get twins--yikes).

We have a lot of exciting changes happening in our lives right now, and although it's a bit overwhelming, we couldn't be more grateful.

Believe

2011-10-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

"Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged. Things will work out."

- Gordon B. Hinckley

Sometimes you just need to hear those simple words. And coming from him, they mean that much more... don't you think?

Gift

2011-10-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

I was in 8th grade. I had everything going for me. An awesome group of friends, family near by, a crush on a boy I was convinced liked me too, you know, all the excitement junior high had to offer. Life was pretty good. Until my parents dropped a huge bomb on me: dad got a new job in Albany, New York and we were moving. I, to say the least, was shocked. The only reason I knew where Albany was, was because we had to learn the states capitols in 5th grade and for some reason that one stuck. Why would they want to move there? There's no way Albany, New York could be better than Centerville, Utah. NO way.

It took a while for it to sink in that I really was moving there in a few short weeks. I was leaving the best friend a girl could ever ask for (and I mean that wholeheartedly, she's perfect in every stinkin' way). I couldn't leave, I just couldn't. My parents told me they were going out there to get my dad settled and look for a house and I was going to stay with said best friend while they were gone.

It was kind of exciting to have a sleepover with her every day. What teenage girl doesn't love sleep overs? This was going to be pretty cool. And it was! There's no one else I would've rather spent those few weeks with. But something happens when you spend too much time with a friend. You get on each others nerves--just a teensy bit (I still consider her my best friend, by the way, and always will). When I say you get on each others nerves, I mean, you notice little things about that person you hadn't really noticed before. Mostly because you're with them all the time. When she got on my nerves (and I'm sure it wasn't half as much as I got on hers), it was because she was so good at everything and I wasn't. And I really mean that. I couldn't find any real reason to get upset with her so I had to look for reasons. Anyway, my point is, when you're with a friend for an extended period of time, you're going to get on each others nerves- it's inevitable. You're going to need a little break once in a while, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Since I've been married, I've noticed something. I am with Chad...all the time. Every weekend, we're never away from each other. I can't get enough of him. Sure we have our moments here and there where we get on each others nerves, but that's going to happen. The thing is, I want to be with him all the time. We've spent one, maybe two, nights away from each other and it was absolute torture (for me, at least). I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to eat dinner because it wouldn't be with him. It's pretty apparent I'm kind of pathetic without him.

Marriage is pretty awesome. I still have my best friend, who will remain my best friend. And I will continue, throughout my life, to have other friends that mean so much to me. But I have my ultimate best friend by my side 100% of the time. I don't need to take a break from him. He's my companion through thick and thin. There's never a question in my mind we're meant to be together--forever. How cool is that? FOR-EV-ER.

Through the gospel, we're able to be sealed to our companion (and our future children!) for eternity. That's pretty special, don't you think?

I couldn't ask for a better gift.

Our weekend...

2011-10-02T16:43:00.001-07:00

Our weekend rocked. It all started Saturday when we purchased this bad boy:

We're building a house (oh, have I not mentioned that?) and we've made our first purchase! This stainless steel Bosch side by side piece of gloriousness. Isn't she a beaut? I kind of love it. Too bad I won't get to use it till December...more on that later.
Then it was time for General Conference. I decided I wanted to start a tradition...last April, we built a fort, coincidentally during conference weekend. So this year, we decided to do it again. And add some more awesomeness. We made cinnamon rolls and orange julius. Can life get any better? I submit that it canNOT.

I didn't take a picture of the actual fort, but trust me, it was just as awesome as six months ago. I think it will be a fun tradition, especially for once we have kids.

We then, obviously, watched conference. And it, also, was awesome. I'm so grateful to be a part of a church with modern day prophets where we can listen to them speak twice a year. How cool is that? It was so nice to be able to feel the spirit so strongly, while sitting in my sweats, in a fort in my living room lying next to my cute hubby. So great.
Once conference was over, we found ourselves lounging around. I was starting to feel lazy and cooped up so I suggested we go take a walk. We went down to the greenbelt, which is really close to where we live. It's so sad that I've lived in Boise for over three years and I've never been to the greenbelt! The whole time I kept saying, "How have we lived this close and never been down here?".

We had a lot of fun just walking and enjoying the beautiful scenery.

Then Chad tried to teach me how to skip rocks. Umm...didn't work out so well. Turns out I'm not a rock skipping kinda gal.

But Chad was pretty impressive.

It was so gorgeous all around us. This place is pretty much in our back yard.

Now we're home and Chad's watching football...
Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Whiner.

2011-09-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days. The kind where all you want to do is mope around and feel sorry for yourself. And then you take a step back and realize you're feeling sorry for yourself, so you get embarrassed for feeling that way. And you cry and cry until you have no more tears left.

I hate those days.

Let me point out, once again, this blog is a journal- I know I've mentioned that before, but really. It's not a place I go to look for pity. I hate pity. Whenever I see people complaining (usually for reasons unbeknownst to me) I've always thought to myself, "These people need to just suck it up. Stop whining and get over it. The world keeps on turning". Funny how those thoughts aren't applicable to myself, huh?

Anyway, as Chad and I were in bed talking about the day, I confessed to him that I was feeling...numb. Sure, I still have faith in the Lord. My testimony of Him and His power has never wavered. But maybe I've kind of been put on the back burner for a bit. I mean I know there are people who have much more serious issues than myself. And that's something I could understand. I certainly don't think I'm more important than anyone else around me. We all have issues, complications, frustrations, what have you. It would be silly of me to expect the Lord to drop everything and focus solely on me, 100%, right? Ha, such a silly girl.

As I prayed, head on my tear-soaked pillow, I realized that the Lord knows everything I'm going through. He knows how much my heart hurts. He wants to help me, really! But I'm allowing Satan to take control. This made me cry even more. Oh, how much that must hurt the Lord- to so badly want me to come to Him, trust in Him, rely on Him. As much as I ache to be a mom, He aches to help me.

It's quite simple really: I yearn for something so badly, the Lord wants to help me, but I still feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Solution? Swallow my pride and have faith in the Lord... believing with every ounce of strength I have that He'll answer my prayers. Because He will.

The Lord has made it known that Chad and I can't do this on our own. So here I am. Not only asking the Lord for help, but you too. Have any advice? I'd like to hear it. If not, that's okay too. But I do have one request: please still be my friend even though I'm a big fat whiner baby.

Three Years...

2011-09-01T11:51:00.000-07:00

This cutie and I have been married for three whole years. Can you believe that? I can't. I guess time really does fly when you're having fun :)

Our last two anniversary's we went out of town (our 1 year anniversary we went to Las Vegas, 2nd year we went to San Francisco), so I wasn't sure what our plan was this year. Little did I know, Chad had it all worked out.

It all started when he sent me these GORGEOUS flowers at work. If that's not the best way to surprise your wife, I don't know what is.

[Guys, seriously. Send your wives flowers at work. They'll reward you later, I promise ;)]

Then after work, we headed up to Chad's parents cabin in McCall. I completely forgot to take pictures, but I should have because it is absolutely gorgeous!

We stayed there for the night and got up early the next morning to head over to the Pancake House. There, we got the biggest pancakes on the planet. Seriously, they're enormous. They call them "plate sized pancakes" for a reason...I, of course, didn't take any pictures. But I promise you, we stuffed ourselves silly.

We then headed home to hang out for the rest of the day. Later in the evening, Chad told me we were going somewhere nice for dinner, so I needed to dress up. I got all giddy and excited as we pulled up to Chandlers, a super nice steakhouse in downtown Boise. They even valeted our car! I was totally out of my comfort zone, but we had a blast. We had the nicest, most expensive four course meal ever (as in, more money than we had spent on meals for an entire month...).

After that, he told me we were going to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. I thought, "aww what a cute idea!", plus I love spending the night in hotels. I don't know why, but it's like a little vacation for me! That, and we always get a king-sized bed which is ah-mazing.

As we pulled into the hotel, Chad kept driving through the parking lot. I said, "where are you going, are we parking on the side?". He ignored me and kept driving. Next thing I knew, we were in the parking lot of the Anniversary Inn! Okay, I love that place. Chad's surprised me there before and it was such a blast. I kept saying "no way. NO WAY. CHAD, NO WAY!"

We stayed in the "Treasure Island" suite.

I took some pictures but they're crappy cell phone pictures- here's an idea of what it looks like.

It's set up like a ship that's anchored. The bath tub and shower are on their own little island- the shower head comes out of a coconut from a palm tree. So cool!

We later enjoyed our delicious cheesecake and sparkling apple cider. All in all it was an absolutely perfect anniversary.

Chad really outdid himself this year! I'm so glad I have such an amazing husband. He has a lot to put up with, so I'm so grateful for his patience and understanding! I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather be with.

I truly am the luckiest.

Happiness

2011-08-02T09:33:00.001-07:00

Today I've read multiple blogs about people admitting the truth. Admitting they're not perfect. Striving to do better. Filling people in on "what you don't see". As I read these words that were once so deeply hidden in peoples hearts, I can't help but think I should be doing the same thing. Not because I want you all to see I'm not perfect (I'm pretty sure I've already made that pretty clear), but because writing is a release for me. It's something I enjoy. Although blogging is a public "journal" of sorts, it's my journal. It's my outward expression of my darkest inner thoughts and while going through difficult times, I need that release. Although I wouldn't wish these inadequate feelings on anyone, it's nice to know there are others out there who feel the same way I do.

I'm so grateful to know I'm not the only one out there who feels like I'm not perfect. I'm not as spiritual as I'd like to be. I don't read my scriptures every day. I watch TV shows that are far from uplifting. I'm pessimistic. I close myself off from Chad when I'm upset. I'm a terrible example. I don't go to all three hours of church because Relief Society is too hard for me. I'm selfish. I come across as a brat, mostly because it's just easier than reaching out and making new friends. I'm impatient. I say words I shouldn't. I'm proud. I'm stubborn. I'm insecure. There are days when I don't have the strength to pray because it's just too much for me to handle. I get angry with the Lord for not blessing Chad and me with the most sincere requests rather than trusting Him and his plan for us.

As I look back on that lengthy list, I'm certainly humbled. It's difficult too see that, yeah, I'm about as far from perfect as a person could be. But as overwhelming as it is, I know I have my good qualities too. I know I'll be a good mom, whenever that day comes. I'll shower my children with more love than they could possibly imagine. I'll teach them to put their trust in the Lord. I'll teach them that everything works out, even if it's not the way we originally planned; to take that leap of faith and trust that whatever the outcome may be, it'll be okay because the Lord knows what's best for us. I'll teach them to not compare themselves to others, but be happy with who they are and what they've been given. In order for me to be able to teach my children these fundamental qualities, I need to practice and believe them with all that I have.

Because the only person in control of my happiness is me.

Inspiration

2011-07-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

"what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
-ralph waldo emerson

"we can grow in faith only if we are willing to wait patiently for God's purposes and patterns to unfold in our lives, on His timetable."

robert c. oaks

Update?

2011-07-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a while since I've updated. And more importantly, since I've talked about the issues Chad and I are having in conceiving a baby...

After that doctor's visit a few months back, I had a strong impression to wait. Three month's just wasn't long enough. So Chad and I discussed what we felt would be a good date for us. We decided that if we hadn't gotten pregnant before August 1, 2011, we would take the necessary steps towards fulfilling our ultimate goal of becoming parents. As you know, August 1, 2011 is a little over two weeks away. I'm not sure if I'm pregnant right now, I may or may not be. For now, Chad and I are patiently waiting. Waiting for that long awaited positive pregnancy test, or that dreaded monthly visitor. Either way, we have a goal set; we know where to go from here.

Throughout this process, I've received so much. Specialists phone numbers, referrals, advice, books, and most importantly, comfort. That comfort, I know, comes from your prayers, and for that I am so grateful. I appreciate all your guys' support, comments and understanding more than you know!

Two days ago Chad and I were saying our nightly prayers and it was my turn. I concluded my prayer with our daily request: the knowledge of a pregnancy before August 1st. When I finished, Chad said to me, "Kate, do you really believe you'll be pregnant before then?". I immediately began to cry. I honestly couldn't say I believed I would. My mind was full of so much doubt. As I began to talk to him about my uncertainty, he bluntly asked me, "Where's your faith? Do you not trust that the Lord has the ability to answer our prayer?". Well when you put it like that...of COURSE God could answer our prayers. He can do anything! I have no doubt the Lord wants what's best for us. I know He loves us. When I think about how much I love my unborn children, I think I might burst. God loves us even more than than that- more than we could possibly imagine.

As we talked about my faith in the Lord, Chad recommended we read a book called "Drawing on the Powers of Heaven" by Grant Von Harrison. It's a book about not only faith, but exercising faith. As sad as it is to say, I've never really had to exercise my faith. I've been so blessed throughout my life. Everything has always worked out. My faith has never wavered, mainly because it's never needed to. Sure, I've had my ups and downs, but never have I had to endure something this difficult. Never have I had to get up every morning with a pit in my stomach knowing I'd probably have some kind of breakdown that day.

While reading this book, I've felt closer to the Lord than I've ever felt in my entire life. When Chad and I were having our conversation that night, I had mentioned that I know the Lord knows everything. So maybe He doesn't want to give us this blessing now because I'm not quite ready yet. He knows when it's best for me and I should trust in Him, but I'm so scared He won't answer my prayer yet because He's testing me. Chad responded by saying, "Kate, have you ever thought He might be testing your faith?". At that moment, I couldn't stop my the tears from rolling down my face. It was so simple! All this time, I knew I was being tested. How on EARTH had I not known He was testing my faith? I need to not let any doubt fill my mind. I need to trust in the Lord 100% that He will answer our prayers. And more importantly, I need to trust that if He doesn't answer it right away, that's okay too. As previously stated, He knows everything. He knows what's best. I'm sure one day I'll be able to look back on this, see the Lord's hand in my life, and know why I've had to experience this difficult stage.

Chad and I are working really hard to be better. I, especially, am working on my attitude. My demeanor. My feelings towards others. And most importantly, my relationship with the Lord. I want Him to see that He can put his trust in me in raising one of His blessed children here on this earth.

When I think back to all the prayers the Lord has answered in my life, I am in complete awe. Losing my bikini top, praying to find it, and getting the overwhelming feeling to look in the folded up sheets in the linen closet (yeah the Lord answered my prayer in finding my bikini top). Help in finding a 9-5 job. Guidance in Chad and I finding a place to live. Deciding on whether to continue with school or work full time. Looking for my lost wedding ring, etc. Now I understand those were (in the grand scheme of things) generally small, insignificant prayers, yet He answered them. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that He will answer this one too.

Kidney Stones.

2011-06-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I got the stones. And they were what I'd presume death feels like? Yeah, pretty much.

It all started Sunday morning. I woke up with a weird feeling in the lower right side of my back, but to be honest, I just thought it was a gas bubble (TMI? Don't worry, it gets worse) so I didn't worry too much about it. But as the day went on, it got progressively worse. I'd get sharp pains and it hurt so bad to lie on my back. Chad kept asking if we should go to the doctor but I didn't think it was think it was necessary. Then around 5:00pm I was in so much pain I couldn't breathe. And because I couldn't breathe, I started having a panic attack. I finally told Chad I thought we should go to the ER, something definitely wasn't right. As I went to put on some jeans (of course I had no make up on, greasy hair and was in old, nasty sweats), I really thought I was going to pass out. I looked at myself in the mirror and looked almost translucent. I immediately thought I was going to throw up from the pain and I fell to the toilet. I was so shaky, had a fever, chills and virtually no strength. I just lied on the ground waiting for Chad to get ready. I was so scared about driving to the hospital because it was a good 15 minutes away and I really didn't think I'd make it. At the time, I thought it was appendicitis and I prayed the whole way my appendix didn't burst! I was curled in a ball holding on to Chad's seat belt/hand the entire time. Oh, and we hit every red light- I'm not even kidding. It was hands down the worst, most painful experience of my life!

When we finally made it to the hospital we had to check in, get my insurance stuff on file, etc. Luckily it was a slow night so I got right in once we got everything figured out.

When I got in to see the doctor I was feeling a bit better so I was able to stay calm as I explained what was going on. He knew right away it was kidney stones but he wanted to take an x-ray to see how big they were and where they were located. He said a lot of the time they don't show up on x-rays but he wanted to check to get a better idea. Well they saw it! I wish I had gotten a picture of the x-ray, but he told me it was 2mm big. Anything over 4 mm isn't big enough to pass and has to be surgically removed. Bummer. Is it bad I would've rather had it surgically removed than pass it? I was so scared because all he said was "it's been said that it's more painful than childbirth", or "the pain you'll experience is more painful than childbirth" "CHILDBIRTH, CHILDBIRTH, CHILDBIRTH!!!". Okay! I get it! When he said he'd give me stuff for nausea I said, "Wait, am I going to throw up?" and his response? "Childbirth, Kate." Well that's comforting. What an exciting experience I had to look forward to! They gave me a shot of pain killers in my hip and two other pills of stuff to widen my urethra (yum) and help with the nausea so at the time, I was feeling great! I couldn't imagine it being as bad as he had described, and luckily it wasn't. He gave me a prescription for three drugs, Dr.'s orders to stay home and rest, and a strainer to pee into. Umm, WINNING! Finally after two hours, we were on our merry way.

It took another hour before we were able to go home because we had to pick up my prescriptions and there was only one pharmacy open at 8:00 on a Sunday night so it was busy and full of unhappy, anxious people.

I had to pee so I took my lovely strainer and did my bidness. And what did I receive? Nothin but pain.A few hours later, I did the same thing and look what I found!

See that little orange dot? Isn't it precious? No, it's not. It's disgusting. But I'm keeping that bad boy. You betcha.

Lessons learned:
When something doesn't feel right, go to the Doctor. Don't wait.

and more importantly, drink more water, Kate!

I guess it's summer...

2011-06-22T15:44:00.001-07:00

So when I got in my car to drive home from work, this is what the thermometer said...

I thought to myself, "Wow, 95 degrees is pretty stinkin hot. Especially considering it was in the 60's four days ago". And it's true, 95 degrees is pretty hot.
Then I walked in my door and was overcome with blasted heat. It almost felt hotter inside than out. I ran to check the thermostat and this is what I saw...
Okay, I understand that 86 degrees is somewhat less than 95 degrees. However, 86 degrees inside...? That's another story. It feels like death. Where is my escape?
I want one of these...

Minus the little girls, obviously.

Trip to Utah

2011-06-19T08:56:00.001-07:00

So in my past post I said we weren't going to be able to see my mom for her birthday... well that was a lie. Chad and I drove down to Utah to surprise her! We left work early on Thursday (her birthday) and got to Utah around 8:00pm. I told my dad a few weeks earlier that we were planning on surprising her so he had worked out that we'd surprise her at the Utah Bee's baseball game. We picked up our tickets at will call, got settled in our seats, and a few minutes later my mom and dad showed up. They came to their seats and there we were! Her jaw dropped and she didn't say anything...she just stared. So hilarious! It was such a fun surprise!

We had awesome seats!

My dad had a few other arrangements made as well! I don't know if you can tell, but it says "Happy Birthday Patrice Eyre". Pretty sweet.

Give us a break, we'd been driving all the live long day.

We had so much fun, even though the Bee's lost...

The next day we went to downtown Salt Lake to visit my dad's work and see the new Joseph Smith movie. We also did a tour of the Beehive house, which was really cool to see. If you haven't done the tour, check it out! Three prophets lived there, including (obviously) Brigham Young. There's some seriously awesome stuff there.
Emma and her baby
Here's Bailee cheesin' it up. So cute.
This is the Beehive house. So pretty!

That night we had a BBQ to celebrate my mom and Clancey's birthday.

Tim, always showin' off!
They were so cute eating their cake together!

It was such a busy, but fun trip! I'm so glad we were able to spend time with the family for a few days. Love you all!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2011-06-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

Today is June 9th...my mom's birthday! I'm not able to actually be with her for her birthday, so I decided to do a blog post about her. How lucky is she? Pretty lucky. SO lucky, in fact, that I uploaded her favorite picture of herself. Below, you can see us keepin' it real. Doin' our thang. It's pretty apparent I liked the camera. I'm not so sure about my mom...

Okay, the picture below is a teensy bit better.

But for reals, I'm so grateful to have such an amazing, beautiful, caring mother in my life.

She's taught me so much:

- how to cook

(I don't know how many times I asked her to help me make grilled cheese. [Granted, I mostly just didn't want to make it so she'd "show" me, but really I just let her do all the work])

- how to clean

(Who knew baseboards needed to be cleaned? I sure didn't...)

- how important it is to laugh

(us kids give her a hard time, but she always laughs along with us)

- that "damn" and "hell" aren't real swear words

- to let your children blast wilson phillips and sing along using hairbrushes as microphones...even your son...

But more importantly she taught me:

- patience

- unconditional love

- how important service is

- how to fully engulf yourself in the gospel

- to always see the good in others

- to trust my instincts

- to step outside my comfort zone

- to listen

- how to have a good relationship with my husband

and some day,

- how to be a good mom

If I'm half the mom she is, I'll know I've done good. I can't imagine my life without her and I'm so grateful for her amazing example.

I love you mom!

Summer Lovin'

2011-06-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

My favorite things about summer:

Watermelon

BBQ's

Parades

The fair

Snow cones

Camping

Cute toe nails

Boating (I need to be friends with someone who owns a boat...)

The sun not setting till after 10:00pm

July 4th

Night games (they're HAPPENING I tell ya!)

Late night walks

Being able to wear skirts, summer dresses and capri's to work- this shouldn't be a "favorite", but it is. Pants are so lame.

Freckles- I'm so excited that mine are starting to reappear!

Watching the sun set

These are just a few. I can't wait! This summer is going to be bomb-diggity. I can feel it in my bones :)

Sweet Child of Mine

2011-05-11T10:46:00.000-07:00

You haven't made your way here yet, but I can't wait for the day you do! Ever since I was a young girl, all I've ever wanted was to be a mother. I remember the first day of fifth grade. My teacher sent around a "getting to know you" assignment where she asked certain generic questions and we had to fill it out and tell the class our answers. One of them was "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Everyone in my class had answers you'd expect: "professional soccer player", "astronaut", "teacher", etc. Mine was "homemaker". I could see myself in a beautiful home, dinner in the oven and kissing my husband as he came home from work. But most of all, I could see you. I could see you playing on the floor with your toys, your dad picking you up and giving you a sweet kiss on the cheek as you smiled at him. This dream of mine is something I want more than anything in the world; a family.

As I write this post, I can't help but think about your chubby little thighs, your sweet toes, your itty bitty fingers wrapped around mine. I see your sweet smile (definitely a trait of your daddy's), my green eyes, and head full of dark curly hair (a trait you're bound to have).

All I can say is, I know these dreams of mine aren't unrealistic. The reason you haven't made yourself known yet is something I still don't fully understand. But what I do understand is that you will-whether it's in this lifetime or the next. Because you've made your dad and I wait so long, I can guarantee no one will love you quite as much as us. And as enticing as these dreams of mine may sound, if you feel the need to take a little longer before heading down, that's okay.

I know you'll be worth the wait.

Guess What Today Is!

2011-04-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

Administrative Professionals Day! Lame, huh? But I don't care because lookie what I got...

I got appreciated! My day started out so stressful and this totally turned it around. It's amazing what a difference 3 enormous cookies makes.

So to all you administrative professionals, thank you!

ABC's of Me

2011-04-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

I saw this on a friends blog and thought it was fun. Plus I never have anything to blog about for the two people who read this. So for you two, here you go.

Age: 21 (22 in 11 days!)

Bed size: queen

Chore you hate: folding laundry. i hate it so much.

Dogs: i want a border collie- cute and smart

Essential start of your day: kiss from my hubby. and a shower. not necessarily at the same time :)

Favorite color: green

Gold or silver: silver. although i'm warming up to the idea of gold

Height: 5’6″

Instruments I play (or have played): piano

Job title: Office Administrator

Kids: nope.

Live: each day as if it were your last

Mom’s name: Patrice- she rocks.

Nickname: Chad calls me mariposa hermosa. and i guess Kate is technically a nickname.

Overnight hospital stays: nope!

Pet peeve: bad drivers and complainers.

Quote from a movie: “it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. indiana jones wears one.”

Right or left handed: right

Siblings: 1 brother, 1 sister

Time you wake up: 6:45 every day

Underwear: yes?

Vegetables you dislike: lima beans, peppers and onions. yuck

What makes you run late: Chad. i'm a prompt person without him!

X-rays you’ve had done: one when i broke my arm, and one last month when i was checked for pneumonia.

Yummy food you make: parmesan garlic chicken

Zoo animal: penguins are my all time fav! so cute

Do You?

2011-04-05T14:34:00.001-07:00

Do you like awkward family photos as much as I do? If not, you should.

Here are a few reasons why:

Makes my day. I think if you give it a chance, it will make yours too.

Fort!

2011-04-03T14:21:00.000-07:00

This weekend Chad and I thought it would be fun to build a fort! We didn't start building it till around 11:00 Friday night, but nonetheless it was so fun!
This is the sweet outside

Here's what it looks like on the inside
Excitement!We love each other lots.

We even watched the Saturday session of General Conference in it! It made our weekend just a little more exciting. I think we should make it a tradition, don't you?

Disneyland!

2011-03-22T17:49:00.001-07:00

We had so much fun in Disneyland! It was such a nice little vacation and we can't wait to go back. Now I realize this is a picture overload, and these aren't even half of the pictures we took, but whatever.

Biggest (and most delicious) turkey leg. Ever.
Going to TOWN.
It was really humid that day so my hair was all frizzy and cute. Obvs.

Hollywood Tower of Terror was our favorite. Well mine. Chad was a little afwaid ;) Every picture we got of these, Chad's dad had his eyes closed. So funny!

We loved California Screamin' too! Obviously Chad did too. But wait, it gets better....

This is hands down my favorite picture of Chad. I laugh every time I see it. What a hunk.
DOLE WHIPS. We had one everyday. I miss them. Everyone should have a Dole Whip a day.

All in all, it was a fantastic trip! So where should we go on our next trip?

Peace Out

2011-03-01T12:25:00.000-08:00

We're gonna go hang out with this guy!

Be back on the 5th!

p.s. it's okay to be jealous :)

Our Valentine's Day Weekend

2011-02-14T14:00:00.001-08:00

Chad and I had such a good weekend celebrating Valentine's Day! It started on Friday when Chad had these beautiful flowers delivered to my work.

I've never had that happen so it was such a nice surprise! Then the next day we woke up and Chad said we were going to a hotel that night. If you know me, you know I love staying in hotels. It's like a fun little vacation. It doesn't even matter where it is, it can be down the street for all I care! So I assumed we'd spend the day at home and that night go to the hotel. Well he kept telling me to pack and get ready so we could go. I didn't really understand what the hurry was

so I kept putting it off (taking a nap, watching The Office, etc). Then finally around 4:30 Chad said we needed to go. So I got my things ready and we were on the road. As we started driving he went down a road that leads to McCall (which is kind of a resort town up in the mountains), so I started getting confused/excited. I didn't want to get my hopes up because A: I found it hard to believe he'd be able to get a hotel and B: I love McCall and I didn't want to be disappointed if that wasn't where we were going. But it was!

Chad being all cute

Here's me, all kinds of excited.

Such a beautiful drive this time of year

The room

It had a huge jacuzzi!

And a fireplace!

Later that night we went out to dinner, got some frozen yogurt and watched movies. It was so much fun and such a nice little getaway! I should've taken more pictures but I forgot.

Anyway, thanks Chad for an incredible weekend. I love you!

Ten Random Things I'm Grateful For:

2011-02-09T14:27:00.000-08:00

1. My husband; I know it's not random, but I'm pretty lucky to have him.

2. Parenthood; I love that show!

3. Talking to my dad on the phone; I swear, I just hear his voice and I get choked up. I sure love that guy.

4. Heat; it's pretty cold out there, can you imagine not having heat?!

5. Clean towels and sheets; they just feel good

6. My blanket; if you know me, you know "Buh-dye". You have to love it.

7. Peanut butter; I had some on toast a little bit ago and it was extremely tasty.

8. Bali Mango Hand Lotion; It's a new Bath & Body Works fragrance and it's to die for.

9. When Chad makes up words to already existing songs; he likes to add my name in them. I pretend I hate it, but secretly love it.

10. Disneyland; 22 days!

It's a good day to be grateful.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

It's About Time

2011-02-04T12:06:00.000-08:00

Any idea where we're going? Yeah, we're kind of excited. We're going March 2nd through the 5th. Short and sweet! We've been wanting to go for a long time now and we keep putting it off, so the other day I brought it up on my lunch break and within an hour the flights were booked! We're going with Chad's parents as well which will be so fun. We have a countdown and can hardly wait!

Sometimes Life is Just Plain Hard...

2011-01-31T10:44:00.000-08:00

This last week has been a difficult one for me. The Lord has been testing Chad and I, that's for sure. I haven't ever talked about this on here or anywhere, really. Chad and I have been trying to have a baby for the last 18 months or so. Now keep in mind, when I say "trying" I mean we haven't been stopping pregnancy. For a while, we just thought, "okay, if I'm not on birth control, we can just let it happen when it happens". Little did we know it wouldn't happen that easily...

Month after month, no baby. Finally after about 14 months I decided I'd go to my doctor, just for some advice. I figured it'd be a casual visit, she'd say, "Oh, this is totally normal! Sometimes it just takes some people longer than others. You have no reason to worry". No big deal. I'd be in and out and on my way. Well, that didn't go as planned. She was very concerned. She did some blood tests and they came back normal. Her Dr.'s Orders were to read a book, buy some ovulation sticks and try to get pregnant in the next three months. If I didn't get pregnant, she wanted me to come back and she'd refer both Chad and me to a fertility specialist. A fertility specialist?? WHAT? That is the last response I wanted to hear. I had so many questions. I was upset. I was confused. I was a mess. I hadn't gotten pregnant in 14 months, what good was another three? I wanted her to give me some magic pill that would make me pregnant then and there. How could she tell me to just keep doing what I'm doing? How could I just keep living my life with the thought that I may never be able to have children?

Needless to say, these last 18 months have been difficult. Putting on a happy face and acting like it's no big deal? Well that's been a challenge in and of itself. Being surrounded by people announcing their pregnancies, and looking at pictures of those very people's babies 9 months later has killed me. Hearing people say, "Well we just decided to have a baby and the next month it happened!" made me want to cry then and there. Or "Well, it was an accident...we're not sure how to handle the news" made me feel sick to my stomach. Then there were the people who would complain about their pregnancies saying, "I'm NEVER getting pregnant again! This is the worst. I don't know why people get pregnant". Hearing this made me want to SCREAM at them. God is BLESSING them with a child. He is giving them the chance to be parents. How DARE they complain? I felt like these people were mocking me. They are so lucky to be having a child and they're complaining? How selfish could they be? I felt like God didn't understand that He was giving these babies to the wrong people. They weren't ready. I was. Did he forget about me? Were my prayers getting lost somewhere and He just needed to find them? Why were these people being blessed with something they weren't even grown up enough to take on?

The other day I had a revelation. All this time I'd been thinking how selfish these other people are, little did I know I was the most selfish of them all. Every time I hear someone is having a baby, I get that twinge; that selfishness of my own creeping through. The thought that God forgot about me again. But what makes me more deserving of a child? I've realized that what is the right time for them might not be the right time for me. How did it take me so long to figure this out?

I'd just like to say that I know God hears our prayers, He doesn't forget us. I know He's just waiting for the right time. Chad and I must just need some time to prepare and we're going to do whatever it takes to start a family.

Congratulations to all those out there who are expecting. I don't hate you, I promise.

Guess what we bought...

2011-01-13T20:31:00.001-08:00

Chad and I finally got Guitar Hero! We've been playing a little too much...but it's been so fun! Chad got a gift card to Best Buy from my brother for Christmas and we decided to get a video game we can both enjoy. I'm awesome, but Chad is starting to get better.
I'm pretty sure he practices when I'm not home...

(I had just been lying down so it looks like I have a bald spot. I don't though, promise)We're pretty rad.

Love Him

2011-01-12T06:50:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in the last post, I've been putting in some overtime hours which includes Saturdays. Yes, Saturdays. EW. I don't have a key to the building, so I'm at the mercy of the other two girls that are also putting in overtime hours. They have kids, so they like going in early on Saturday mornings so they can have the rest of the day to get things done. They like to be at work between 4:00am and 5:00am. Yeah, it's insane. So last Saturday, I went to work and got home around 8:30am. Chad was still sleeping so I tip toed into the bedroom and slowly tried to get into bed without waking him up. When I lifted up the covers, Chad put his arm out, I rested my head on his shoulder and he kissed my forehead. Nothing needed to be said. At that moment, I felt so much love for that boy. Being wrapped up in his arms is the greatest feeling in the world.

I am so lucky.

New Obsession

2011-01-03T11:45:00.000-08:00

So lately, I've been putting in some overtime at work which involves me getting up at 5:30am everyday to be at work by 6:45ish. It's been rough, to say the least. I am definitely not a morning person, so it's been a real adjustment for me. I'll be fine until around 1:30pm or so...then it hits me. I'm exhausted. I think, "I really can't do this", or "The extra $350 on my paychecks is not even near worth getting up an hour earlier", or "Quitting my job and getting unemployment would be a better option than this". It's really pathetic how important sleep is to me, actually. Then I remember this:

Vanilla Chai Tea.

It saves me. Once I remember it, my day seems to get so much better! Again, pathetic. I don't care though, it works. That's all I need.

Lately I've been super sick with Laryngitis and sound like a 12 year old boy going through puberty. My throat hurts constantly. All I want to do is snuggle up in a huge blanket and watch old movies. Even THINKING of getting out of bed makes me want to throw up. But once I get my Vanilla Chai? Well, it helps ease the pain.

Christmas!

2010-12-28T18:14:00.000-08:00

We had such a great Christmas this year! We had to take some pictures of the tree before it all began.

It all started at around 8:00am. We started by opening our stockings first. I got Inception (my favorite movie of all time!), a new electronic toothbrush, (Chad went to the actual DENTIST to get it. Yeah, it's pretty legit), a cute scarf, and lots of reeses. Chad knows me well :)

Chad got some screen protectors for his new phone (also a Christmas present), lots of candy, and a card.Then we opened our real presents, which I forgot to take pictures of. But I got some really cute sweaters, a bunch of dressy shirts to wear to work, a $50 gift card to Downeast Outfitters, new boots (which are so hot), and two cute cardigans and a $50 giftcard to Macys.
Chad got a Best Buy gift card, Robin Hood, a hair trimmer, Call of Duty: Black Ops, a new tie, new shoes, and a new phone. I know it doesn't look like he got near as much as me, but the phone was expensive!
We opened our presents from my family as well, which included Apples to Apples, a gift card to PF Changs (our favorite restaurant), a picture of Christ, and a very generous check that made me cry when I opened it up!
Then we got ready and went over to Chad's parents house to open MORE presents! We had fun hanging out with his family and cute niece and nephew!My mother-in-laws tree was just a bit bigger than ours, with just a FEW more presents haha

Cute Mady and me

Jaxson and Chad

The Pearmans have a tradition on Christmas morning where they put a wall of newspaper up and the kids run through to open their presents. So cute!

Then, the big kids got to run through and see the big presents! We got a new TV for our bedroom!! We are so excited!

We also got lots of clothes, including Miss Me jeans which are my favorite brand of jeans ever but I can't afford them, work clothes for Chad, a cute necklace, and a gift card to Cold Stone.

Then, we went on a scavenger hunt! My family has had a tradition ever since I can remember, where after we're all done opening our presents and enjoying our Christmas day, something will happen. Whether we find a clue in one of our presents, or an alarm goes off, we are given a clue that leads us on a hunt for one more present from Santa. It always rhymes and is such a fun thing to look forward to. My dad is so talented and creative, it blows my mind! So while we were hanging out at Chads parents, his mom told us she had something for us. It was a clue from Santa that led us to find our one more present. Chad's was some books by his all time favorite author and mine was a $40 gift card to the Apple store!
It was so nice to be able to have a little piece of home this Christmas, even though we were miles away.

We realized how amazingly blessed we are to have such awesome families who love us so much! All in all, we had such a great Christmas and couldn't be more happy! We hope you had a good day as well :)

Why?

2010-12-16T20:50:00.001-08:00

I know I said it on Facebook, but I really don't understand it. I just can't wrap my mind around it.
That's all.

Lately...

2010-12-13T14:54:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been over a year and a half since I've last posted...apparently I'm not too hip in the blog world! It will take WAYYY too long to try and update the last 20 months so I'll try and recap the major events of 2010.

Last June we moved into a new apartment which has been really good for us. We loved our last place but they were going to raise the rent over $100.00 a month so we decided to find a cheaper place. We ended up finding an apartment that was almost $100.00 cheaper than we were paying at the last place and is almost the exact same square footage! STEAL! We also have the pleasure of living RIGHT next door to Chad's cousin and his cute wife so it's been fun to have such awesome people SO close (and by close, I mean we walk out our front door, walk 2 steps and we're at their front door).
My bathroom, obviously
Second bedroom/office

Chad's bathroom

In August we celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary by going to San Francisco! It was such a fun trip! We saw Wicked on the very last showing in SF, and it was AMAZING! Chad isn't a fan of musicals but he really enjoyed it. We also went to Alcatraz which was super cool, and the California Academy of Sciences which was a HUGE museum. We weren't allowed to take pictures though, so I only got a few of the cute penguins (because penguins are my fav). We rode the cable cars and went to Ghirardelli Square where we got some yummy chocolate ice cream. We also went to Chinatown which was a ton of fun. Authentic Chinese food is definitely the way to go. It was such a fun trip! We both said once we left, we could totally see ourselves living there in the future.

I don't have any pictures, but for Thanksgiving we were able to go down to Utah to celebrate with my family. It was so fun to be able to spend time with them! I hate not being able to see my family whenever I want, but I really am lucky we are able to make the drive to see them. Utah is much closer than New York! I don't think I could handle it if my parents still lived back east!

Chad is almost done with school and we are SO excited about it! He's been such a busy boy. He will be graduating with his Accounting degree in May. WOOHOO! One more semester! He also just started (two weeks ago) working for the Idaho State Tax Commission and he LOVES it. Which is a good thing, since it's what he'll be doing for the rest of his life!

I'm working for YESCO, an outdoor advertising company, and am so blessed that I love my job so much! I've had some pretty not-so-fun jobs in the past, so I'm so grateful I have one that's treated us so well. For a while Chad was just going to school full time, so we were lucky that I had my awesome job to support us while he focused on his difficult classes.

Other than that, we've just been living life one day at a time! We're grateful for this awesome time of year and look forward to spending our 3rd Christmas together :)

Baby Beckett is Here!

2009-04-28T16:40:00.001-07:00

On April 24th, Timothy Beckett Eyre was born and believe me, he is the CUTEST thing you'll ever see. We got a call from Tim (his daddy) saying he was on his way and we needed to get down to Utah. We rushed down there and after a long wait, he finally made it out! He is such a good baby and it made me want one of my own soooo badly haha Chad is probably getting sick of hearing "I want oneeeee" from me, I'm sure, but what are ya gonna do? Anyway, Beck is absolutely beautiful and my congrats go out to Kylee and Tim!

So, today is April 28th which means my birthday is in 3 days! I'm not normally this excited for a birthday, but Chad is surprising me with something and I have been trying to get it out of him but he won't budge! Which is unusual for him because I can get any secret out of him so it's been an interesting couple of weeks lol But, I only have to wait a few more days and I'll get to find out.

Anyway, I better get going but I'll be putting up pictures of whatever happens on my bday :)

Chad and Kate

2009-04-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

1.Where did you meet? At a friends house watching a Boise Burn basketball game
2.What was the first thought that went through your head when you met? He's pretty cute :)
3.What was he wearing? Honestly...I can't remember. haha
4.Where was the first time you kissed this person? In his parents theater room
5.Where did you go for your first date? We went to PF Changs, then to the train depot (even though there was a wedding there and it was super crowded), then we went to a lookout point over all of Boise. It was perfect!
6. When were you officially a couple? Well we dated for a long time and never had the "DTR talk" until May 16th 2008
7.How did he/she ask you out? He told me he liked me well enough to take me on a "real" date haha
8.Has this person ever proposed to you? Yes he did! June 5, 2008 at the lookout point where we had our first date! Totally caught me off guard
9.Do you and this person have kids together? Not yet...
10.Have you ever broken the law with this person? I don't think so
11.When was the first time you realized that you liked this person? the day I met him
12.Do you get along with his family? Absolutely! They're wonderful
14.Do you see him as your partner in your future? For time and all eternity :)
15.What is the best gift he gave you? Anything sentimental. Even if it's just a little note when I wake up in the morning. I love that sappy stuff
16.What is one thing He does that gets on your nerves? When he doesn't defend himself when I'm mad at him haha He's TOO perfect sometimes
17.Where do you see each other 15 years from now? Married with babies running all over the place. Probably still here in Boise
18.What causes the most arguments? I'm not going to answer that lol
19.How long have you been together? Married 8 months and dated about 5 months before that. Loved every minute of it!

Chelsea and Bailee Came to Visit!

2009-04-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

This last week my sister, Chelsea, and her daughter, Bailee, came to visit! It has been so much fun spending time with them! Although, I'm sure Chelsea's husband, Clancey, hasn't been too thrilled without her and Bailee home haha

Last night Chad and I went over to my parents house and we all had a BBQ and played Wits and Wagers (VERY fun game). While we were there I wanted some pictures with Bailee so I've posted a few. She just wanted to play outside all day! It was so beautiful out, so it was fun spending time playing on the grass for a while. I'm sad they're leaving in a few days, but luckily we'll be back down to Utah in a few weeks when my new nephew will be born! We can't wait to see my brother Tim and his wife Kylee, she's due on the 25th so hopefully their son will be here on time!

I Finally Gave In...

2009-03-30T15:03:00.000-07:00

So, I've been refusing to get a blog because I new I would NEVER leave the computer once I did, but I finally decided to do it. We've been staying busy with school and work and are absolutely loving married life! We just celebrated our 7 month anniversary. Wow, has time flown! We're almost out of the "newlywed" stage, as people have been saying, but we don't seem to think so! We love going out on dates every week and spending as much time together as we possibly can. I'm not quite sure what else to say for now, but I'll update you on our super exciting life soon!